It’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend, and while it began as a celebration of St. Patrick who took Christianity to Ireland, we all know that the weekend will be full of people drinking green beer and other green alcoholic beverages. (I thought it was a beer celebration for decades … I didn’t even know who St. Patrick was until recently. For all I knew, he was the original beer master.) For those who are in addiction recovery, I think it’s timely to republish this Flashback Friday post from 2017 …
When I was studying Substance Abuse Counseling, I wrote a short article review of an assigned article Relapse Recovery. Reading it many years later, I found it particularly interesting to the work I do here on this blog, and I wanted to share it with you with updates and my commentary having been removed from it, earned a degree, attended graduate school and worked with clients as a Behavioral Health Clinician. I usually save all the scholarly articles I have written papers on, but could not find this particular one. So, I do not know who is the actual author. (I found it very odd since I’m a stickler for naming sources since my days as a professional journalist.)
When I think of addiction relapse, as a sober, non-addicted person, I think of it much like being on a diet and having a cheat day … You might gain a pound, but it isn’t detrimental to your overall weight loss. After reading Relapse Recovery, however, I have been made keenly aware of how serious a drug or alcohol relapse is compared to eating.
The author of this article stressed something in the beginning of the story that will stick with me: “For example, if you have a damaged liver, your liver will return automatically – and not gradually – to the level of damage it was at when you were drinking.”
The author explained that using drugs or alcohol as a means to deal with problems or create an escape is a learned behavior that non-alcoholics don’t have – they have other healthy ways of dealing with life’s issues. “In order to stay sober, we have to untrain ourselves, deprogram ourselves, so that recoiling from temptation and not taking that drink/drug becomes an automatic response to the life-threatening consequences which drinking/using means.”
I often say, “Learned behavior can be unlearned.” So, the good news is that you can overcome any addiction you may be experiencing.
The first step, according to the author, is to pinpoint triggers and stimulants which can provoke the temptation to drink/use. The next step is to learn new coping strategies and methods to deal with everyday life soberly. This is a gradual process that doesn’t happen overnight.
I know we all want a magic pill that will change things instantly, but as I write about in my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart, oftentimes God allows us to walk through a process rather than giving us full healing right away. I have seen instantaneous healing and deliverance happen for people, but I have often wondered if it is much like someone who grows up rich without having to work for money … They don’t know what it’s like to really suffer or be hungry or have bill collectors calling them day and night, so they may not appreciate how easy they truly have it. I believe the same can be true for someone who doesn’t have to work one day at a time for sobriety and health.
In an article by the same name published in March 2016 in Experience Life, Kyra Bobinet, MD, MPH, explains that instituting a new behavior isn’t as simple as doing it for 21 days. (Don’t I know this from experience! And recent studies have shown it takes much longer to solidify new behaviors.) “Even if you’ve been on your new path for a while, relapse into old behavior is not just a possibility — it’s a probability. Forget the notion that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That idea came from a plastic surgeon in the 1950s who observed that it took 21 days for his patients to get used to their new nose jobs! Anyone who’s tried to institute significant behavior change, like joining a daily 6 a.m. cycle class or quitting smoking, knows realistically they will have to resist that urge to sleep in or light up for a long time.”
So, how do you resist and remain successful? The author of the original article offered these warning signs in which to watch:
- Changes in thoughts, feelings or attitudes;
- Changes in behaviors and activities; or
- A combination of both.
“Your habits are supported by a fully wired neural network in your brain. Your thoughts and behaviors (as well as your environment and many other factors) influence how that network of neurons, or brain cells, has strengthened its interconnections over the years,” explained Dr. Bobinet. “But that isn’t the final word. At any point, you can actively start a new behavior and sprout new neural wiring. You can stimulate neuroplasticity — the phenomenon that allows your brain to build new pathways.”
Is it the kiss of death to relapse? Most professionals will agree that it is not, but you can not continue the negative behavior. It’s just like learning to ride a horse or bicycle … When you fall down, you pick yourself up, get back on, and start riding again from where you left off, not from where you started.
“What is inappropriate is black-and-white thinking about success that turns a slip-up into a disaster and sees it as a sure sign of defeat. The fact is that it takes time to change all the mental apparatus that supports any particular habit — the memories, the situations that trigger craving, and more. Addiction changes brains, and it takes time to change brains back,” stated a post on Psychology Today regarding relapse of addiction.
So, be assured that you will face urges, and it all begins in your brain. AddictionsAndRecovery.org offers these tools to help in dealing with the mental urges:
- Play the tape through. When you think about using, the fantasy is that you’ll be able to control your use this time. You’ll just have one drink. But play the tape through. One drink usually leads to more drinks. You’ll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you’ll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, using doesn’t seem so appealing.
- Tell someone that you’re having urges to use. Call a friend, a support, or someone in recovery. Share with them what you’re going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you’re thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don’t seem quite as big and you don’t feel as alone.
- Distract yourself. When you think about using, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Go to a meeting. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don’t do anything, you’re giving your mental relapse room to grow.
- Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you’re in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you’re supposed to do, it’ll quickly be gone.
- Do your recovery one day at a time. Don’t think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That’s a paralyzing thought … One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you’re motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won’t use for the next week or the next month. But when you’re struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won’t use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don’t sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.
- Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you’re tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what’s new and right. When you’re tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you’re relaxed you are more open to change.
You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.
