Month: April 2018

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Virtue and coming back to life

I’ve been working on writing the second edition of The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about royalty. This #FlashbackFriday post explains how our character is what makes us righteous (and in my opinion, royal) …

I was walking down an aisle in a store the other day, and next to the As Seen on TV products jumped out the words on a box BACK TO LIFE … My first thought was, “I wish I could slather on a product to bring ME back to life!”

Virtue and coming back to life

We all go through seasons in life where our faith is tried, but how we react to the negative things happening to us determines who we really are. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about character and virtue.

Several years ago when I was working as an editor of a weakly publication for “The Dallas Morning News,” I was going through a really difficult time in my personal life. The only guy on our team walked up as I was talking about my situation with another girl on our team. He said something to me that has never left me. He had only been working with me for a couple of months but said I was the most virtuous person he’s ever known.

Michael Tyrrell, musician and creator of the Wholetones music project, put it like this in a recent e-mail, “Virtue is the cornerstone of character. It is the manifestation of moral principles or ethics that define one’s statue. In other words,it’s the ‘you’ in you! It’s who you are when nobody’s around to impress.”

My grandfather always told us, “A man is only as good as his word.” I took that to heart and always try not to commit to something unless I know I can do it and keep my promises. I’ve found out in my lifetime that very few people keep their promises — even really important ones like wedding vows or governmental oaths.

One of my friends in graduate school calls me her ”Little Southern Belle.” One night during a break in class as the professor was walking back in the room, my friend was telling everyone out loud, “Senée is the epitome of a Southern Belle. She can tell you to go to hell and make you look forward to the journey!” To that, our professor turned around and shook her head. (She wasn’t from Texas and had told us she didn’t understand our hospitality or etiquette.)

I have never viewed myself as a Southern Belle. I just know deep down inside me that I am called to live to a higher standard in which I keep my promises, tell the truth at all costs and do my best to do things in love.

Being a follower of Christ sets this standard for me, but I’m amazed at how many people who say they are Christians live just like the rest of the world doing things to please themselves. It shouldn’t be surprising to see the conduct of people today because it was written about hundreds of years ago, and we were told exactly what to do.

“BUT UNDERSTAND this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear]. For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane. [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good. [They will be] treacherous [betrayers], rash, [and] inflated with self-conceit. [They will be] lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God. For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct belies the genuineness of their profession]. Avoid [all] such people [turn away from them],” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 AMP

One reason I choose to live to a higher standard is because of the great promise associated with it. “Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!],” Hebrews 13:5 AMP.

In his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey said men like standards, so get some. So how can we start to raise our standards? Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to love one another. The Apostle Paul broke it down even further in Philippians 2:3-4 GNT:

  • Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast;
  • Be humble toward one another;
  • Always considering others better than yourselves;
  • And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.

How do you live life to a higher standard, or how do you plan to raise your standards?

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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People behaving badly in public need home training

We’re on the topic of common public behavior this week, and it’s fitting that I remind you of a post I wrote exactly a year ago in April 2017 (totally a coincidence). I had forgotten the details of the incidents I recount in this post, but after reading it again, I realize this is the same behavior being reported in the news lately, and it obviously hasn’t gotten any better. Please share these posts with your contacts on social media, and let’s get the word out that we don’t have to act in such vile, inhumane ways. Let’s rise to a higher level. Let’s be the type of royal, kindhearted, peace-minded people we so desperately need to see in this world …

What I’m about to tell you has been a month in the making, and now I understand why I didn’t write about it when I first started crafting the story in my head last month. (I am seriously writing a book about this and related topics!)

I walked into my nail salon about a month ago. It’s always been my place of relaxation where I get recharged and beautified. When I walked in, I immediately noticed two or three women and a man sitting at the first tables talking about someone — gossiping about this person, actually. I couldn’t help but notice them because they we extremely loud. I also noticed a couple of other women, who were not with that group, getting their fingernails done.

After I sat down, I heard the group of women say something about how people needed to stay out of their business, and they said that they didn’t talk about other people and other people shouldn’t talk about them — I immediately thought, “Totally not true by the words you just spoke a couple of minutes ago.”

My nail tech turned on the massage chair for me, and I closed my eyes and went into relaxation mode … That was until my peaceful world was shattered by a bunch of loud commotion from the group of people near the entrance of the salon. When I opened my eyes, I saw two police officers standing next to the man asking him if the car outside was his and asking to see his identification. He answered “No,” to both questions, then when they asked him to speak with them outside, he refused. So they proceeded to tell him that they found drugs in the car they asked him about. All of a sudden, the women with him got really loud — I’m not talking happy, friendly loud, I’m talking threatening, peace shattering loud — screaming racism and calling several people on their phones giving them the play-by-play. They completely changed the atmosphere in the salon in seconds!

It got so bad that I didn’t feel safe being in the same room with these people, and I wasn’t the only one. One lady refused to wait for her nails to dry in spite of the salon owner practically begging her to stay. She ran out of there like her hair was on fire. I wanted to do the same thing, but I wasn’t physically in a position to leave.

My nail tech was talking to another one in a different language. I looked at him and asked if the owner could ask the disruptive people to leave. He said yes, but it didn’t happen immediately. I was feeling so unsafe that I started praying quietly, but out loud, asking God to send His warring angels to protect us innocent bystanders, bring peace and safety into that salon, and I rebuked the demonic, dangerous spirits operating there. I’m not joking … Within two minutes or less they left! Oh, they came back inside once for just a few seconds, and we could hear them screaming at the police in the parking lot for several minutes, but before my nail tech was finished with me, I was back in the tranquil setting in which I was so familiar.

People behaving badly

You’ll never believe this, but just two weeks later it happened again — this time in a restaurant. It was a group of different colored people probably from a different Socioeconomic Status, but disruptive and frightening all the same — my point being it doesn’t matter what color skin, how much money they have or what religion they claim to profess, they are behaving badly in public all the same. They were sitting at a table in the section next to mine not directly near me, but near the entrance/exit. A guy walked in wanting to talk to the daughter at the table, and the mother got up and in his face telling him to leave. It was so loud that I stopped eating. I asked for the check and waited a few minutes hoping the scene would be over and I wouldn’t have to walk past them to get out of the restaurant. I even went to the ladies room to give it enough time to be over. When I walked out the door, there were three large police SUVs parked in front of the door, but the officers were standing around smiling and joking. So, I guess everything was resolved.

Why am I telling you these stories? Because it has become apparent to me that in today’s society, people have either forgotten or were never taught how to act in public. (And, yes, I am serious about writing a book on this topic. I’ve already started on it even before I finish The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart.)

When you are in the privacy of your own home, you can act any way you wish to —a s long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. However, I nor anyone else want to see you fight with another person, tell another person off, scream at someone, beat your kids or throw a fit. We don’t want to see it or hear it! And another thing, we do not want to hear your phone conversations — EVER! We don’t want to hear them trapped on a train or bus, in an airplane, car or shopping mall.

Hear me when I say this: YOU HAVE A HOUSE/APARTMENT/HOME … THAT IS THE PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE YOUR DISAGREEMENTS AND RESOLVE THEM! THAT IS WHERE YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE CONVERSATIONS, NOT IN PUBLIC!!!

Your home is your oasis. It should be a place of comfort and safety — if it isn’t, you have the power to change that. Your home is where you do all this unacceptable public behavior. Just because you CAN do something does not mean that you SHOULD do it. This is basic home teaching. You do not impose your bad behavior or your will on other people — especially strangers who do not deserve your negative energy!

The right thing to do is always take it outside. Watch some older movies. Men always took their disagreements outside. If people wanted to know what was going on, they followed them outside. The people who wanted to live in peace stayed inside.

If you are witnessing something like this, you should do whatever you can safely do to intervene and diffuse the situation — yes, I said get involved and not turn a blind eye to misbehavior that is affecting everyone in the room. I did say out loud in the salon that they needed to take it outside. Then I asked the nail tech if the salon owner could ask them to leave.

If you can’t do anything safely to intervene, you need to call the police. I expected the establishment owners to do so. That is their job to protect their customers. While our rights seem to be eroding, business owners still have the right to refuse service in most states, and should ask disrupters to pay and leave.

We MUST stop being bullied by people who are throwing up their bad behavior all over everyone in the immediate area. They must be taught by our actions, that their behavior is NOT acceptable in public.

I’m old school … I’ll admit it. I have no problem admitting that I’m old-fashioned and admire and deeply appreciate manners and respect of others. I don’t want to live in a spaceship world like the one in the movie Wall-E. In that world, people rode around on the equivalent of a Rascal or Hovaround like the old folks ride on, talking only to people on video phones and eating processed foods. They were fat, diseased, lazy to the point of not being able to walk on their own two legs, and they had no social skills or awareness of the literal world around them.

I don’t want to live in that world. I want to live in a friendly, peaceful, real world. Yes, there will be conflict, but you use communication to resolve conflict and treat people in a kind, caring way — the way you want to be treated deep, down inside.

In the movie, Royal Winter, the queen told her son that his father stopped going dancing every Friday night after he became king “because he realized it was unseemly for a king to just be one of the guys. The people expect us to be different, separate.” We are all unique and different, and if we’re Christians we are called to be set apart. “Everything that belongs to the world — what the sinful self desires, what people see and want, and everything in this world that people are so proud of — none of this comes from the Father; it all comes from the world. The world and everything in it that people desire is passing away; but those who do the will of God live forever,” 1 John 2:16‭-‬17

Let’s commit ourselves to live a royal life — a life of a higher standard that respects ourselves and others.

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart”by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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You are not the sun & the solar system does not revolve around you

There was a recent story in the news about a couple of black men who went to a Philadelphia Starbucks and refused to buy anything or leave when asked by store employees. When the police arrived, they refused to leave then too and were arrested. Starbucks corporate office declined to press charges, and they were released. This entitlement attitude is becoming an epidemic and has to stop.

I can’t get into my car – in the city or country side – without someone riding my back bumper, passing me illegally on two-lane highways or cutting me off nearly hitting my car when there is plenty of room for them to drive behind me. (And no, I don’t drive like an old lady. I have a car that wants to drive over 100 miles per hour that I have to hold back … I’ll admit that I go the speed limit and sometimes five miles over.) There is no excuse for such reckless, self-absorbed behavior.

If you’re running late, that’s your own fault for not getting up earlier and leaving at an appropriate time. You don’t deserve to drive in front of anyone else. You don’t deserve to use a business wifi for free without buying something either. Those perks are there for paying customers.

There were several times when I was in undergrad and graduate school when I moved apartments or had people working on my complex electricity, and I had to go to McDonald’s or Starbucks and use their internet service. I always bought something and told the employees and managers that I needed to camp out for a little while and use their internet and/or electricity. More than once, I had the manager be very gracious toward me and invite me back any time I wanted.

You are not the sun & the solar system doesn't revolve around you

For those of you participating such bad behavior, I’m really sorry to have to break this news to many of you, but you are not the sun. You do not provide sustaining light, vitamin D and plasma/gravity to keep the planets in orbit around you and sustain life on planet earth.

As I wrote about in my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart (and I’m currently writing about in a new book on the topic of being royal), Narcissism has become an epidemic in our society. I blame it on Baby Boomers and Helicopter Parents. Instead of teaching the younger generations how to be humble, gracious, self-reliant and of service to others, you have taught them through behavior modeling and enabling that they are entitled to anything they want from people – and it’s wrong!

The psychological diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is derived from this story. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), “The essential features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts.

“Individuals with this disorder have a grandiose sense of self-importance (Criterion 1). They routinely overestimate their abilities and inflate their accomplishments, often appearing boastful and pretentious. They may bitterly assume the same value to their efforts and may be surprised when the praise they expect and feel they deserve is not forthcoming … Individuals with (NPD) are often preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (Criterion 2) … Individuals with (NPD) believe that they are superior, special, or unique, and expect others to recognize them as such (Criterion 3) … Individuals with this disorder generally require excessive admiration (Criterion 4) … A sense of entitlement is evident in these individuals’ unreasonable expectation of especially favorable treatment (Criterion 5) … This sense of entitlement, combined with a lack of sensitivity to the wants and needs of others, may result in the conscious or unwriting exploitation of others (Criterion 6) … Individuals with (NPD) generally have a lack of empathy and have difficulty recognizing the desires, subjective experiences, and feelings of others (Criterion 7) … These individuals are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them (Criterion 8).”

Five or more of these features will qualify someone for the disorder. “Of those diagnosed with (NPD), 50-75% are male,” according to the DSM-5. The manual also stated that up to 6.2% of the population has been diagnosed with the disorder.

I am speaking the TRUTH to you in LOVE.

We have to get back to basics, y’all. Jesus said in Matthew 7:12, “Do for others what you want them to do for you; this is the meaning of the Law of Moses and of the teachings of the prophets.” President John F. Kennedy said, “So my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together what we can do for the freedom of man.”

I’m seeing people behaving badly almost on a daily basis. They are not treating others the way they want to be treated. They are acting like their wants and needs are above all others and more important. This is not the proper way to act. The royal, Kingdom of Heaven way to treat others is to follow the instructions of Jesus.

Your parents, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, children, acquaintances, etc. may tell you that you are the best thing since sliced bread. I sincerely hope that you are loved unconditionally by at least one person in your life – I truly want that for you more than anything – but these people are doing you a disservice if they are enabling your bad behavior. A society cannot be sustained and prosper when it is full of selfish, self-absorbed, entitled people.

It isn’t healthy self-esteem to treat others badly. That actually proves that you have low self-esteem because you don’t respect yourself enough to treat others the way you want them to treat you. Gretchen Ruben puts it quite well in the art for this blog post. Humans don’t respect people who constantly hurt and demean others – especially if they have experienced it for themselves from that person or have seen that behavior in action from that person.

Today is a great day to change! It’s a new opportunity to truly show love and compassion for everyone you come into contact with, and I deeply hope you decide to be the better, royal person you were created to be!

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart”by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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Daydreaming isn’t for the lazy

This week, we’re on the topic of mental health. This Flashback Friday post from 2014 on daydreaming fits the bill … All my daydreamers, dream on (and read on) …

I’m a planner and the kind of person who MUST have something to dream about. It was a way of escape for me when I was a child, but it has really helped me get many of the things I’ve wanted in life.

Daydreaming isn't for the lazy

I remember when I was in first grade I took home a note from my teacher in which she communicated I was a good student and very smart, but I daydreamed too much. I was bored! I already knew the material she was teaching and wanted to be chasing butterflies in a field of flowers.

Kids who daydream a lot are labeled slackers and lazy, but some studies say that isn’t so.

A 2012 study conducted by the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Center for Investigating Healthy Minds found daydreaming is actually good for your working memory. Working memory allows the brain to juggle multiple thoughts simultaneously. The more working memory a person has, the more daydreaming they can do without forgetting the task at hand.

Scott Barry Kaufman, NYU psychology professor and author of Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined, argues that daydreaming can play an important role in personal adaptation.

In a 2013 Scientific American blog, Kaufman explained that daydreaming can offer positive personal rewards including:
– self-awareness,
– creative incubation,
– improvisation and evaluation,
– memory consolidation,
– autobiographical planning,
– goal driven thought,
– future planning,
– retrieval of deeply personal memories,
– reflective consideration of the meaning of events and experiences,
– simulating the perspective of another person,
– evaluating the implications of self and others’ emotional reactions,
– moral reasoning, and
– reflective compassion.

That sounds more like working to me than it does laziness!

So, what do you do when it seems like your dreams and plans aren’t happening the way you’d like?

In his book How to Survive a Betrayal, Rev. Mark T. Barclay offers these tips for what to do when you don’t see your dreams coming to pass:

  • Picture what you want in your mind and focus on it.
  • Use faith–confession–actions to believe in it.
  • Find scripture verses that motivate you and bring you hope.
  • See yourself enjoying it. Think about it. Be consumed with it.
  • Praise God more and more for it.
  • Know it is coming. Read the verses until you are assured of it.
  • Let no one steal it from you. Listen to God, His word and your spirit, not other people.

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart”by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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Why Christians are not mentally ill

I’ve stayed pretty quiet about this topic — not because I had nothing to say but because I had other, more pressing topics to cover first. Now, it’s time to talk about Christianity and (the lack of) mental illness.

A few weeks ago, Joy Behar said on The View that Vice President Mike Pence made a public comment that he heard God’s voice, and she said mentally ill people were the only ones who heard voices. Several weeks later, she apologized, but the image of mental illness had already been placed in the minds of the millions of people who heard or read her comments.

Christians are not mentally ill

Yes, it’s true that one of the qualifying features for the diagnosis of Schizophrenia is visual and/or audible hallucinations. When I was earning my undergraduate degree in psychology at The University of Texas at Dallas, we were talking about this topic in my Abnormal Psychology class. My professor was a practicing child psychologist concurrently while teaching at the university. I asked him specifically if you are a Christian or a minister and say you hear the voice of God will that cause you to be diagnosed with this mental illness. His answer was a profound no.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) — the “bible” of mental health professionals used to diagnose mental disorders — is very clear on this topic. “Hallucinations may be a normal part of religious experience in certain cultural contexts,” states the DSM-5 when defining the criteria of Schizophrenia.

Throughout my life, I have had many supernatural experiences. Unless you have these experiences personally, you can’t say they are not real. We are all bodies with a spirit and a soul (mind, will and emotions). Those who are open to spiritual encounters (especially children) are more likely to have them. In my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart, I recounted the first supernatural experience I had as a child.

At the age of 3, I had a supernatural encounter — the first of many in my lifetime. I was sitting in church with my grandfather (my grandmother was at the front praying for people at the altar). For some strange reason, I was sitting near the aisle where my grandfather always sat, and he was sitting next to me. I saw Jesus walk out of a painting in the baptistry, down the aisle and He stood next to me. He was wearing a white sheet wrapped around him and sandals — just like I have always seen him depicted in paintings. He told me to “always be a good girl,” and then he walked back the way he came. I have spent my life trying to do just what he told me.

I have always said (and will continue to say) that if you have an experience that feels evil to your core or one that tells you to harm yourself or others, then that is not God speaking to you. It could be demonic or mental illness.

Let’s look at the case of Andria Yates, the Texas woman diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis who said she heard voices telling her to kill her six children. I covered the final sentencing of the Yates case when I was working as a reporter for a newspaper in the Houston area. I interviewed William Winslade, medical ethics and law professor at the University of Texas Medical Branch and author of The Insanity Plea.

“It’s obviously a terrible, terrible tragedy that all those children were killed, but there seemed to be convincing evidence to the jury by the psychologists who evaluated her after it happened,” he told me during our interview for my story. Winslade said the jury was not excusing the crime, but was acknowledging that Yates was insane at the time she committed it — not necessarily before or after. “But I believe that the insanity plea was appropriate given how crazy she was at that time,” he said of the Yates case.

I firmly believe that God did not tell her to take the lives of her innocent and defenseless children. God is love. God will have the Holy Spirit convict us and have us feel remorse for things we have done so that we can change our behavior and make things right. However, no loving being or spirit will tell us to harm ourselves or others.

If a Christian is mentally ill because he or she talks to God and hears the voice of God — which is usually not an audible voice — then psychics, mediums, palm readers, tarot card readers, those who channel spirits/aliens and others are also mentally ill. Think about that the next time you’re tempted to call someone “crazy.”

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart”by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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How to trust again

We’re on the topic of trust issues this week, and as I wrote about in the previous post, this issue isn’t just one for personal relationships … It can spill over into business and every other area of your life. Learning to trust others after you’ve been hurt takes time, but can be very beneficial. Here’s today’s Flashback Friday post from 2014 …

Often, people who have been in relationships with substance users or physical and psychological abusers find it hard to trust. Repeated times of trusting people who have proven to be less than trustworthy makes it hard to believe in others or even ourselves.

The first step to trusting again is forgiveness.

“Forgiveness is a powerful friend … It simply means to drop the charges,” wrote Rev. Mark T. Barclay in his book How to Survive a Betrayal. “To forgive is to put it in God’s hands, and not seek personal vengeance. If you don’t forgive, you will become bitter, hurting only yourself.”

You’ll often hear that you have to forgive and forget. I believe forgetting is a mistake that leads to being duped again. But I’ve found, over time, when you become healthier you let go of the pain and forget much of the wrongs that have been done to you.

“You must find a way to forgive. ‘Forget’ will come even harder and much slower. Even so, for your own sake, you must deal with this deep wound, ” Barclay wrote.

In her book The Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie said the key to trusting others is to trust yourself first.

“The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that’s happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn’t trust ourselves,” she explained.

Psychology Today offers these expert tips on how to trust others again:

  • Give it time. Over a period of time, your trust can be rebuilt with repeated positive experiences … when a man consistently demonstrates his reliability, despite your more critical evaluation of his actions, he might earn your trust.
  • Acknowledge and evaluate. To trust a partner again, betrayal must be acknowledged. The wrongdoer must admit that he or she has inflicted a deep hurt, and the victim must look at what he or she could have done to make things different.
  • Look for the good. Trust yourself to stop damning people as a whole, no matter how badly they now behave. Then you may help them to become more trustworthy.
  • Go inside. The way back to trust is counterintuitive: The issue is whether we can trust ourselves to make wise decisions.

Beattie agreed, “Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.

“Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do. When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth,” Beattie advised.

How have you learned to trust again?

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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Do you have trust issues?

I’m constantly educating myself and trying to learn how to do things better. I was listening to a very successful entrepreneur the other day taking questions from audience members at one of his talks, and when he asked a woman if she had considered getting a business partner who had more experience in business than she did, her response was, “I have trust issues!” Can you relate? I admired her self-awareness and honesty.

The next day I ran across this quote from Rev. Mike Murdoch, “Trust God. Love people. God never commanded you to trust people. God commanded you to love people and trust Him. Know the difference. Your joy and victory depend on it …”

I spent some time writing about trust in my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart because it’s a big issue for many people. Since publishing the book, I’ve been thinking a lot about something, “After your broken heart has healed, how do you know if it’s safe to let someone back into your life? How do you know if you can trust the person who broke your heart?”

Now, I know a lot of people will say you can never trust someone who hurt you. You most definitely need to exhibit caution in these circumstances, but I don’t believe you should write someone off altogether. People can change … It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.

Do you have trust issues

When thinking about this topic, I went to my tried and true source – Hallmark Channel movies. Yes, go ahead and laugh because I am giggling as I’m writing this post! But hear me out because there is some wisdom to gleam from these cheesy movies.

One of the new Spring 2018 movies dealt with the return of an old boyfriend who had promised to marry the lead character 14 years earlier after he completed medical school. He broke it off instead, and she was, understandably, skittish about being in a relationship with anyone much less dating. (This is a theme my recently divorced girlfriends and I have been discussing lately. When you make the ultimate commitment of marriage and the man still leaves or mistreats you or you have to ask him to leave, how can you trust your own judgment of someone new or even allow the same person back Into your life since you were the one who allowed him into your life in the first place to reek havoc on you?)

Back to the movie … As I was watching the story unfold, I found myself saying out loud to myself so my ears could hear it, “Pay attention! He came back trying to help her succeed in her business because it was the most valuable thing to her at that moment. He didn’t come back wanting anything from her accept her permission to help her and her friendship. He didn’t come back demanding she do anything for him or give him anything.” This is how you know someone is true. By paying attention to their actions over time, you will see their real intentions. Unfortunately, you have to take a gamble and allow that person into your life – at least on a limited basis – before you can obtain any of this information.

It was a Hallmark movie, and a happy ending is always guaranteed and love always wins out – That’s why I watch them. That’s Hollywood, though. Is there a way to ensure your own happy ending if you have trust issues?

In the movie, the lead character asked her best friend, “Do you think I’m crazy for giving him another chance? I don’t know how it’s going to go.” The best friend’s response was, “Hey, are you happy?” She said, “I am.” And the best friend said, “Then trust in that.”

Just before publishing this post, I was reminded of the lyrics of a song I used to sing as a teenager, “I see Jesus in your eyes and it makes me love you. I feel Jesus in your touch and I know He cares. I hear Jesus in your voice and it makes me listen. And I trust you with my love because you’re His. I see Him in you.” Maybe that’s all we need to look for, but instead of manufacturing it or using a magnifying glass to see what isn’t there, we need to be real with ourselves and see people for who they actually are and not for who they tell us they are or who we want them to be.

I hear people say all the time, “Trust is earned” or “Trust but verify.” Both are true and words of wisdom, but sometimes we just have to trust ourselves enough to give people a chance. It’s our job to give the chance and the other person’s job to prove themselves worthy of being in our lives.

We can trust the process. We can also trust that no matter how much people hurt us, there is a greater plan for our lives. Part of that plan may be to learn the lesson this terrible experience is trying to teach us so that we can help others through similar situations and get to the good part of our lives.

If you want some practical advice on how to go about trusting again, check out the upcoming blog post this Friday.

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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News & Events: Introducing Princess Guide Curations

I love finding items that other people no longer want but that are unique and still have life left in them. For several years now, I’ve wanted to create a store where I could offer these items to the public. I am also a creator and have been making crochet items by hand for years now. I’m often stopped in public and asked about where I got these items and where they can get them. Now, there’s a store featuring them all!

Princess Guide Curations

Princess Guide Curations is an online store where every item has a story and is fit for a princess. Curate means, “to take charge of or organize; to pull together, sift through, and select for presentation.” I have done that for you at this site.

Do you have a prom or other special event in which you need a dress? You can look like a million bucks without spending a fraction of that amount. Do you crave items that no one else has? Are you looking for princess-like items to remind yourself of your true royalty?

At Princess Guide Curations, nothing costs more than $50, and every item is new or in like-new condition. Most items have only one in stock, so if you see something you like, grab it quickly before it’s gone.

Take a look around, and get your unique items today! All proceeds from the store benefit The Princess Guide and Becoming Ministries and will be used to produce more books, videos and other items to help you become all you were created to be!

www.PGC.BecomingPublishing.com