It’s my birthday week, and I’ve been thinking a lot about love a lot lately — not the kind of external love we automatically think about, although that’s been on my mind too — I’m talking about the internal love no one can take away from you.
In our modern-day culture, we tend to think that the only love that counts is the external love from another person typically in a romantic setting. There’s an old song with the lyrics, “You’re nobody until somebody loves you.” I must disagree with this statement. We come from pure love. We are loved greatly by the Father and Creator of All. We have ancestors and spiritual relatives who love us and protect us even though we never see or encounter them in this realm of existence.
I spent an entire chapter of The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart talking about loving yourself, but it hasn’t been until recent weeks that I’m starting to realize what that really looks like.
The last line of John Mayer’s song New Light poses the question, “What do I do with all this love flowing through my veins for you?” I dare say, once again, that you give all that love back to yourself until you have someone in your life to give that love to who will love you back … That last part is very important because if you aren’t receiving love back from a person, you’re in an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship.
Lately, I’ve been listening daily to The Sundays song Love. The lyrics are profound and have really redirected my thinking about self-love.
So, killing me with love, love, love just love yourself
like no one else.
Love, it’s enough.
So, they can say what they like, but they still can’t take
Your love, your love, your love just love yourself like nobody else.
Time’s so scarce where I come from
Let them say what they like, but they still can’t take your love.
When we finally realize who we are, that we ARE love and are deeply loved, no one can take that away from us. Will there be times when we feel lonely and unloved? Of course! I can’t tell you how many birthdays (including the last three and probably this upcoming one) and holidays I’ve spent totally alone. I’ve learned a very valuable lesson, though … When I’m alone on special days, I can spend them doing anything I want to do! I don’t have anyone telling me I’m not worthy of celebrating or that I want too much. I can spend as much or as little money on myself and feel very good about it because I don’t have anyone dictating to me my worth!
So, how do you show love to yourself? You do exactly what I explain in the book … You talk to yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful, handsome, talented, honorable, worthy and lovable. I’ve never had a problem looking at myself naked in the mirror — even when I weighed my largest — but It’s taken me decades to finally look in that mirror and see a divine, pretty princess who is beautiful on the inside and outside. I actually see her now, and I’m so grateful that I got to spend this existence in a beautiful, healthy body. Am I perfect? I’m still breathing, so the answer is NO. However, I’m learning to appreciate all that I am and all that I have while not dwelling on all those who have walked away from me or those who terrorized me while they were in my life. I see the good in the now, and the present moment really is the gift!
I used to think that the only way a gift mattered was if it was given by someone I loved. I now realize that giving gifts to myself in love is just as important … And it comes with no strings or expectations attached.
If you long for someone to give you your favorite flowers, go buy some for yourself or plant them in a pot so that you can have them near you all year long. If you dream of dancing with someone, enroll in dancing classes at a local studio and let them pair you up with someone while you’re waiting on the right person to show up in your life. If you love sports and want a partner to watch games with you, join a Meetup group for sports fans, attend college alumni watching parties or go to a local sports bar and make friends. If you love live music, go see a show by yourself — It hasn’t happened very often, but I have seriously had some of my best times when I ended up going out all by myself! Don’t sit around waiting and wishing for things to change … Do things now that make you happy and show positive love for yourself!
Recently, I was not feeling well, and I was really wishing my Granny were still alive so that I could curl up in her lap and let her rock me in her rocking chair. I found myself sitting in my own rocking chair. I wrapped my arms around myself, began rocking and I said what I would tell any sick little child I was rocking, “I know you feel really bad right now, but you’re going to be alright. Your body is magnificent and will repair and heal itself. You just need to close your eyes, fall asleep and let your body do its work.” That’s exactly what I needed in that moment, and it was fascinating and wonderful that I was able to give myself what I was longing to receive from someone externally.
In case you’re wondering if what I’m explaining is being “full of yourself” or Narcissistic, the answer is NO. I was talking about this subject with a therapist friend of mine, and she seemed to agree with my distinction between healthy self-love and someone who is ego-driven or who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I believe that people with highly inflated egos and NPD exude negative energy, while people with positive self-love genuinely love themselves and exude that positive love to everyone around them.
When you learn to treat yourself with true love and respect, you won’t allow others to mistreat you … That’s a promise from a princess! 🙂
Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.
