Category: Addiction recovery

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Does everyone hit rock bottom?

By the time you read this post, you have probably spent the entire Thanksgiving Day with drunk Uncle So-and-so, and you may be wondering if he will ever get sober.

In this Flashback Friday post we’re exploring the concept of hitting rock bottom and making positive changes in life. As I’ve said many times before, change is not easy — if it were then everyone would practice it on a regular basis — but the rewards and benefits of positive change are well worth the struggle during the process. You don’t have to hit rock bottom and have everything in your life fall to ruin before you decide to make those positive changes. Let’s explore this topic …

I recently took a long road trip, and that gave me a lot of time to think. (When I’m holding on to the steering wheel for six hours straight, that’s a long enough trip for me to consider it a long road trip!) Surprisingly, I was thinking about substance use and the people I know who have been hurt by it (both the users and the ones who love them).

I know substance users who have been jailed, sentenced to prison, had their children taken away by the state, lost jobs, destroyed their marriages and on and on. In one particular case, I knew of someone who lost her children and many years later died of a drug overdose before she could make positive changes even though she had many chances to initiate change. I wonder if these people ever hit rock bottom, repent and try to make things right with those they have hurt while imitating positive change in their lives?

Does everyone hit rock bottom?

My best friend believes that often men do not hit rock bottom after they hurt girlfriends and wives so much that the women leave. She says the rock bottom comes from their children. I wasn’t so sure about her theory until I saw it happen to a man I know. It appeared that he was in the contemplation phase of change when his relationship with his children improved. So, I’m guessing that the daily drinking didn’t stop and he didn’t enter into a treatment program, but it looked like the children leaving the relationship with him was causing him to take a serious look at treatment.

When I was thinking about these people who don’t seem to ever hit rock bottom, I saw a picture in my mind of someone falling and falling and falling in a deep, deep pit.

I believe when we do things that destroy out bodies, destroy our lives, destroy our brains, destroy our relationships, destroy our reputations and destroy those around us, we are being influenced by demonic forces that are deployed to carry out Satan’s mission to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10).

I know someone who seems like a good, genuine person who loves God on the surface, but his addiction to alcohol has destroyed his life. I’ve only known him to be clean and sober while in jail (and that’s a place where he’s spent a lot of time). It’s really hard to watch anyone go through life in the chains of substance use, but they are the only ones who can change it. I was told by a professor that substance users typically don’t decide to seriously work a recovery program and make the positive changes needed until they have been in rehab about EIGHT times.

Treatment and recovery programs are wonderful tools in becoming clean and sober, but if you don’t deal with the root cause of why you use and create a heart change, you will fall back into destructive patterns. Dealing with those deep issues can be very scary because we’ve lived with them for so long and coped by using substances to medicate our broken hearts and crushed spirits that it feels “normal,” but freedom from being controlled by substances feels so much better!

We are not guaranteed tomorrow (just like the person I mentioned who died of an overdose before she made positive changes). The “magic” of the present moment is that it’s the gift of being able to institute change right now. Are you ready to change for the better?

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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Tools for dealing with addiction relapse

It’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend, and while it began as a celebration of St. Patrick who took Christianity to Ireland, we all know that the weekend will be full of people drinking green beer and other green alcoholic beverages. (I thought it was a beer celebration for decades … I didn’t even know who St. Patrick was until recently. For all I knew, he was the original beer master.) For those who are in addiction recovery, I think it’s timely to republish this Flashback Friday post from 2017 …

Tools for dealing with addiction relapse

When I was studying Substance Abuse Counseling, I wrote a short article review of an assigned article Relapse Recovery. Reading it many years later, I found it particularly interesting to the work I do here on this blog, and I wanted to share it with you with updates and my commentary having been removed from it, earned a degree, attended graduate school and worked with clients as a Behavioral Health Clinician. I usually save all the scholarly articles I have written papers on, but could not find this particular one. So, I do not know who is the actual author. (I found it very odd since I’m a stickler for naming sources since my days as a professional journalist.)

When I think of addiction relapse, as a sober, non-addicted person, I think of it much like being on a diet and having a cheat day … You might gain a pound, but it isn’t detrimental to your overall weight loss. After reading Relapse Recovery, however, I have been made keenly aware of how serious a drug or alcohol relapse is compared to eating.

The author of this article stressed something in the beginning of the story that will stick with me: “For example, if you have a damaged liver, your liver will return automatically – and not gradually – to the level of damage it was at when you were drinking.”

The author explained that using drugs or alcohol as a means to deal with problems or create an escape is a learned behavior that non-alcoholics don’t have – they have other healthy ways of dealing with life’s issues. “In order to stay sober, we have to untrain ourselves, deprogram ourselves, so that recoiling from temptation and not taking that drink/drug becomes an automatic response to the life-threatening consequences which drinking/using means.”

I often say, “Learned behavior can be unlearned.” So, the good news is that you can overcome any addiction you may be experiencing.

The first step, according to the author, is to pinpoint triggers and stimulants which can provoke the temptation to drink/use. The next step is to learn new coping strategies and methods to deal with everyday life soberly. This is a gradual process that doesn’t happen overnight.

I know we all want a magic pill that will change things instantly, but as I write about in my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart, oftentimes God allows us to walk through a process rather than giving us full healing right away. I have seen instantaneous healing and deliverance happen for people, but I have often wondered if it is much like someone who grows up rich without having to work for money … They don’t know what it’s like to really suffer or be hungry or have bill collectors calling them day and night, so they may not appreciate how easy they truly have it. I believe the same can be true for someone who doesn’t have to work one day at a time for sobriety and health.

In an article by the same name published in March 2016 in Experience Life, Kyra Bobinet, MD, MPH, explains that instituting a new behavior isn’t as simple as doing it for 21 days. (Don’t I know this from experience! And recent studies have shown it takes much longer to solidify new behaviors.) “Even if you’ve been on your new path for a while, relapse into old behavior is not just a possibility — it’s a probability. Forget the notion that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That idea came from a plastic surgeon in the 1950s who observed that it took 21 days for his patients to get used to their new nose jobs! Anyone who’s tried to institute significant behavior change, like joining a daily 6 a.m. cycle class or quitting smoking, knows realistically they will have to resist that urge to sleep in or light up for a long time.”

So, how do you resist and remain successful? The author of the original article offered these warning signs in which to watch:

  • Changes in thoughts, feelings or attitudes;
  • Changes in behaviors and activities; or
  • A combination of both.

“Your habits are supported by a fully wired neural network in your brain. Your thoughts and behaviors (as well as your environment and many other factors) influence how that network of neurons, or brain cells, has strengthened its interconnections over the years,” explained Dr. Bobinet. “But that isn’t the final word. At any point, you can actively start a new behavior and sprout new neural wiring. You can stimulate neuroplasticity — the phenomenon that allows your brain to build new pathways.”

Is it the kiss of death to relapse? Most professionals will agree that it is not, but you can not continue the negative behavior. It’s just like learning to ride a horse or bicycle … When you fall down, you pick yourself up, get back on, and start riding again from where you left off, not from where you started.

“What is inappropriate is black-and-white thinking about success that turns a slip-up into a disaster and sees it as a sure sign of defeat. The fact is that it takes time to change all the mental apparatus that supports any particular habit — the memories, the situations that trigger craving, and more. Addiction changes brains, and it takes time to change brains back,” stated a post on Psychology Today regarding relapse of addiction.

So, be assured that you will face urges, and it all begins in your brain. AddictionsAndRecovery.org offers these tools to help in dealing with the mental urges:

  • Play the tape through. When you think about using, the fantasy is that you’ll be able to control your use this time. You’ll just have one drink. But play the tape through. One drink usually leads to more drinks. You’ll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you’ll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, using doesn’t seem so appealing.
  • Tell someone that you’re having urges to use. Call a friend, a support, or someone in recovery. Share with them what you’re going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you’re thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don’t seem quite as big and you don’t feel as alone.
  • Distract yourself. When you think about using, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Go to a meeting. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don’t do anything, you’re giving your mental relapse room to grow.
  • Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you’re in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you’re supposed to do, it’ll quickly be gone.
  • Do your recovery one day at a time. Don’t think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That’s a paralyzing thought … One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you’re motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won’t use for the next week or the next month. But when you’re struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won’t use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don’t sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.
  • Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you’re tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what’s new and right. When you’re tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you’re relaxed you are more open to change.

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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St. Patrick’s Day isn’t about drinking green beer

When I was growing up, I didn’t know anything about St. Patrick’s Day, despite having Irish roots. I grew up in a Protestant Christian home, and we didn’t celebrate or acknowledge any of the Catholic traditions. In fact, I didn’t even know what lent or St. Patrick’s Day were until I went away to college.

My only impression of the day was that it was like Cinco de Mayo — a day people picked to drink alcohol and call it a holiday. I participated in the parades and wearing green because it was fun, but it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I did the research to find out what the real meaning of the day was all about … And I have to tell you that I have become a fan of Saint Patrick.

St. Pattick's Day isn't about drinking green beer

The story goes, according to Christianity Today, that he was kidnapped as a teenager and sold into slavery by Irish pirates. He escaped, but then had the courage to return to Ireland as a missionary. He is credited for bringing Christianity to the country and for using the shamrock to describe the Holy Trinity.

What is more, let anyone laugh and taunt if he so wishes. I am not keeping silent, nor am I hiding the signs and wonders that were shown to me by the Lord many years before they happened, [he] who knew everything, even before the beginning of time. -Saint Patrick

Anyone with a human brain is intelligent enough to see the negative affects alcohol has on the brain, body and life. I shunned the holiday because I thought it was all about drinking alcohol. Now, however, I’m proud of my Irish heritage. My maternal grandfather who raised me, Floyd Jones, always said his father was half Irish and half Native American with a full red beard.

While we’re on the topic of drinking alcohol, I recently heard the story of someone who had been secretly drinking daily and is now in dire health. If you find even a slight similarity of your life in this story, please, please don’t wait until you’re on your death bed before you get help to quit using alcohol or drugs of any form. You are too precious, and you have great gifts to share and things to do in the world! Please find a treatment center or a 12-step program to help you before it’s too late! It’s always a good day to make positive changes!

Rick Wiles of TruNews once said he loves the story of Saint Patrick, and I have to agree. I admire his courage to go back to the place where he was held captive and treated brutally and preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to people who did not believe. Thinking about our modern life, can you say that you would be willing to go back into a relationship where you had your heart broken and were treated badly – dare I say, brutally – and not only go back into that environment, but to speak the truth in love? He did it, and we need to look to his example to do the same in our daily lives.

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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Why Christians shouldn’t drink alcohol

I love — I mean LOVE — analytics. I guess it’s the researcher in me, but I love looking at the data and seeing what is resonating with readers. I’ve been a little surprised that this post has been getting read over the last few weeks. I guess I’m surprised because when I wrote it four years ago, I expected it to be controversial, but do you know what happened? I didn’t get one negative comment from readers … It was some of the Christian people I personally knew who jumped all over me for writing about this topic.

Since we just entered into lent and you may be still deciding what you’re going to give up or fast this season, I thought it was a good time to dust this post off for Flashback Friday. I am providing information, which is what I have done for decades as a journalist. Keep an open mind, and if you don’t agree with what you read, that’s fine. There’s no need to contact me or leave negative comments. Take whatever resonates with you and use it to improve your life. If you feel convicted, talk to God about it and ask Him and yourself if there are changes that you need to make in your life. There are plenty of people who will be willing to help you make those positive changes …

I was raised in a Christian home by my grandparents who taught us drinking was bad for us physically as well as spiritually. We had numerous family examples of how drinking could ruin your life with some jailed repeatedly and all not living full lives happy, joyous and free.

As an adult, I’ve been perplexed by the number of people I know who claim to be devout Christians but who drink alcohol regularly.

In the past, there were times when I drank alcohol, but never did I pretend I was close to God in those moments. In fact, I felt very far from God during those times. I was self-medicating and taking my problems into my own hands instead of giving them to God (Step 3 of a 12 step program). It didn’t work out well for me, by the way.

Most people drink because they are in pain, stressed out, want to escape reality or “relax.” The Bible says, “I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on me.” So I don’t understand how a Christian can have their minds on God while consuming alcohol.

“Each and every day someone dictates to me how ‘they choose’ to serve the Lord … They decide whether they adopt Christ’s lifestyle or not,” wrote Rev. Mark T. Barclay in his book How to Survive a Betrayal. “You see, they call Jesus ‘Lord,’ but the spirit of Cain on them demands that they do it their way.”

I hear Christians say often that drinking alcohol is alright because Jesus drank, and the Bible only says not to get drunk. When I say that the water was contaminated in those days, and the wine they drank was actually grape juice, most of them argue with me and say I’m wrong.

In his 2002 article, “Seven Good Reasons Christians Should Not Drink” Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D. offers these things to ponder (these are directly from his article with my comments in italics):

  1. Drinking leads to drunkenness. (Isaiah 5:11) In the April 24, 1965 issue of Christianity Today, the article on page 25 says, “People must be informed that the use of alcohol is not unlike Russian roulette: every tenth person becomes automatically hooked. The only solution is total abstinence.” These statistics are supported by the American Medical Association. Like the commercials say, “Buzz driving is drunk driving.” So too, just getting a buzz is also being drunk.
    2. The Bible condemns strong drink. (Proverbs 20:1) Distillation was not discovered until about 1,500 A.D. Strong drink and unmixed wine in Bible times was from 3 percent to 11 percent alcohol. Dr. John MacArthur says ” … since anybody in biblical times who drank unmixed wine (9-11 percent alcohol) was definitely considered a barbarian, then we don’t even need to discuss whether a Christian should drink hard liquor — that is apparent.” Since wine has 9 to 11 percent alcohol and one brand 20 percent alcohol, you should not drink that. Brandy contains 15 to 20 percent alcohol, so that’s out. Hard liquor has 40 to 50 percent alcohol (80 to 100 proof), and that is obviously excluded. Someone will say, “since beer is only 4 percent alcohol, ITS OK FOR A BELIEVER TO DRINK BEER, RIGHT?” The answer is NO! Here’s why…
    3. In Biblical tines what Christians drank was sub-alcoholic, basically purified water. (1 Timothy 3:3 & 8) Norman Geisler, former Dean of Liberty Center for Christian Scholarship, Liberty University, has written: “Many wine drinking Christians today mistakenly assume that what the New Testament meant by wine is identical to wine used today. This, however, is false. In fact, what the Bible frequently meant by wine was basically purified water,” purified by adding some alcoholic wine. The Holman Bible dictionary says, wine was also used as a medicine and disinfectant. Geisler goes on to say, “Therefore, Christians ought not to drink wine, beer or other alcoholic beverages for they are actually strong drink forbidden in Scripture. Even ancient pagans did not drink what some Christians drink today.”
    4. It will cause others to stumble. (Romans 14:21) Drinking causes some to stumble, others to be offended and many to be weakened. Studies support my statement. According to a survey done by The Daily Journal newspaper, October 26, 1988, one of the top five reasons teenagers drink is because their parents drink … Parents, you must remember that whatever you do in moderation your child will likely do in excess. The Bible clearly defines drinking as an activity that is to be foregone because it causes others to stumble and makes them weak (fall into sin).
    5. It harms our bodies which are the Lord’s. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, etc.) Dr. Robert Haas, M.D., former president of the American College of Sports Nutrition said, “Beer, wine and hard liquor form toxic substances called aldehydes that can destroy the liver, kidney and brain cells. Aldehydes serve a useful function in preserving or pickling dead animal tissue, but they serve no beneficial purpose in people. Alcohol dehydrates (robs) your body of its precious water supply, and along with the water go vital nutrients such as B Vitamins, calcium, magnesium and potassium.” “The most drastic and noticed effect of alcohol is the brain. It depresses brain centers, progressively produces uncoordination, confusion, disorientation, stupor, anesthesia, coma, death. Alcohol kills brain cells, and brain damage is permanent,” from the Office of Highway Safety in Madison, Wisc.
    6. Alcohol is addictive. 1 Corinthians 6:12 tells us that we are not to “be brought under the power” or to be controlled by anything. The only exception is the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18). Alcohol is clearly a powerful substance (Proverbs 23:35). Because alcohol is addictive, we should choose not to drink alcoholic beverages.
    7. Believers are kings and priests separated unto God. “The prophets, the kings, the Nazarites, the leaders — those who were special in the plan of God were total abstainers” says Dr. Paul Dixon. Kings and public officials were not to drink (Proverbs 31:4-5). Further, Dr. Dixon says, “The priests of the Old Testament were to abstain totally.” The Aaronic priests were not to drink because they ministered in the tabernacle before the Lord (Leviticus 10:9). Believers are a “royal” or kingly priesthood (I Peter 2:9). We are the temple of God (I Peter 2:5). We are God’s special children and should choose total abstinence.

My biggest concern, in addition to the physical and psychological damage it does to people, is how a Christian’s behavior modeling of drinking alcohol will influence others to drink. I’ve heard many stories of people who said they started drinking or smoking cigarettes because they saw an adult they admired do it.

A 2004 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family conducted by Grace M. Barnes, Alan S. Reifman, Michael P. Farrell and Barbara A. Dintcheff confirmed my theory finding that parents who support and monitor their children drinking alcohol have adolescents who increase their alcohol use and misuse. They concluded that parents are the primary force in preventing teen alcohol use.

My other concern is how this behavior will ruin a Christian’s credibility. Who wants to take advice from a drunk, especially if they’re telling them about God?

You don’t have to agree with me, but I’d like you to use this information as food for thought.

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.