It’s funny. I’m actually writing my next book about the No Contact Rule (or as my girlfriends and I call it, the 8-Week Rule). I wrote my first blog post about this six years ago with at least two or three additional blog posts and a mention in my first book The Princess Guide to Healing A Broken Heart. These remain my most read blog posts and topic six years later, and I knew it was time to write in-depth about it in its own book because of the interest the topic gets and all the misinformation out there about it.
Any time you do work in the public eye, you can expect to be lashed out at and misunderstood. I realize that there are many hurting people in the world, and that’s why I’m here to help. I recently received a comment on one of the previous blog posts which explained that contrary to online advice being given by men, the No Contact Rule doesn’t work on feminine energy women (or men). The reader commenting was named Bill who wrote, “LOL this article is a joke, men please do not follow this advice, do not plead you are the prize.”
Obviously, this man has not read any of my recent books or he would know that my message is to empower all of humanity to live royally and go to the kingdom within us all to find answers and solutions for our lives. I do not degrade anyone. We are all unique and special and deserve to be loved and appreciated for who we are. However, I think his comments are a bit misguided if he is a masculine energy man.
Let me state clearly: I love everyone, but I especially love masculine energy men. They are so different from me and offer so many qualities that I do not possess being a feminine energy woman.
Yes, I believe the No Contact Rule should be used, but only in the way it was intended to be used. It was actually created by Dr. Patricia Davis, a psychologist in Southern California, and written a about in her book Getting To I DO in the 1990s. A girlfriend of mine told me about it and gave me the book to read nearly a decade ago at the onset of a breakup I was going through. Dr. Davis taught her feminine energy clients to use this technique to give the masculine energy men in their lives the space and distance they needed to decide if a relationship with them is what they really wanted. As I explained in blog posts and my first book, I expected the 8-week experience to change his mind and bring him back, but instead, it changed me!
I’m so grateful for that change, but I wished I had someone to walk me through the healing process for those two months instead of me waiting around hoping, wishing and praying that man would come back. I had to wing it because the world was very different in the 2010s than it was when she wrote the book nearly two decades earlier. While Dr. Davis only briefly talked about the process, I would have benefited greatly from having steps to take to heal myself during the process. This is why I’m writing The Princess Guide To The No Contact Rule.
Howard Jones sang in the 1980s that “no one is to blame.” I don’t agree with that statement all the time, but two people may not be a good match for each other, and spending two months away from one another having no contact (in a dating relationship, not a marriage) is a good opportunity to see if they want to be together. Never have I said that a man should plead — I don’t believe a woman should plead either! After all the internal work I’ve done on myself and the transformation I’ve undergone, I’m at a place in my life where if someone doesn’t want to be with me, I let them go. I force gratitude within myself for all the positive things I experienced with them (take a look at the 45-day guided gratitude journal in The Princess Guide To Gratitude), but I wish them well and let them go. Yes, it hurts! I’m not saying it doesn’t, but I also know that a person functioning out of a royal mindset will give another person permission to leave their presence just like Audrey Hepburn did acting as a princess in the movie Roman Holiday.
While I don’t believe in pleading, I do know that it is imperative for any person who has come to the realization that they have wronged another to do their best to fix the situation by apologizing from a humble place and trying to do something to make it right. It is so important for both parties involved that every 12-step program includes this in the steps.
As for the statement that the man is the prize, that depends. If he’s a feminine energy male, then yes, he would be. However, a classic masculine energy male is a hunter/gatherer. The prize would be the thing he is trying to catch — Translation: A man (masculine energy) is the pursuer of the woman (feminine energy) … She is the prize. It doesn’t diminish his excellent and capable skills. After all, he was skilled enough to pursue and capture the prize. So, that makes him the winner.
In his book Mars And Venus On A Date, Dr. John Gray wrote something I haven’t been able to forget more than two decades later — He said that the man is the setting and the woman is the diamond. The man provides the security and stability for the woman to shine. Individually, they are incredible, but together they are a showstopper!
I never want anyone to devalue themselves. That’s why I wrote The Princess Guide To Loving Yourself First — to empower you to take responsibility and control of your life so that you can have loving, long-lasting relationships. I’m shipping autographed copies of the book and also offering to coach you one-on-one through the process. Learning to love myself first really has changed my life, and I know it will yours too. And then, the No Contact Rule or any other perceived rejection in life won’t phase you as much because you will love yourself enough to know that you deserve someone in your life who is exceptional and that the right person for you is on the way.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the website today!
