Month: March 2021

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How to recognize a quality person

There was a time in my life where I found myself feeling tired — no, I was exhausted. I had been waiting for years for love to come into my life. I was exhausted from waiting and exhausted from dating. I was just exhausted. I realized that the best thing I could do for myself to express loving myself first was to stop the obsessive thoughts about another person and stop the negative thoughts about spending the rest of my life all alone.

I realized that I had to change my focus to things that I had control over, things that could help others, feed my purpose and make me feel good. Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say that God is good, and when we feel good, we are feeling God. Al-Anon teaches that when you identify things in your life that are unmanageable, you give them to God (as you know it) and focus on what you can change and control — yourself.

Senee Seale The Princess Guide

I have found that the real magic and amazing thing that happens when you redirect your attention to something else within your control is that you fuel your spirit, feel good and see results. Things you previously obsessed over tend to work out for your highest good either way — and you become perfectly fine with the outcome.

I began focusing on writing, creating new content for my brand, editing existing content and following through with new ideas and projects I had been thinking about. My spirit began to feel fueled. I began to feel good about myself and my purpose — I felt God, just like Dr. Dyer said. At the same time, I remained opened to receive love while staying protective of myself and who I allowed into my life. Christ said we have to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. 

Not a quality person …

So, how do we know when a quality person comes along? I believe you have to start with identifying the characteristics of the wrong person before you can become clear on who is right.

In the 1990s, the female group TLC sang about Scrubs. In this song, they are identified as male, but these qualities can span both genders. They listed characteristics of a Scrub with some of them being:

  • Flirting from a friend’s car but having no vehicle of his own.
  • Living with parents, but not having a home of his own (not being financially independent or responsible).
  • Having children, but not showing love or being an active, responsible part of their lives.

I can add a few more to the list:

  • They don’t accept responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that happens to them in life.
  • They try to convince you that their needs are more important than yours.
  •  They flatter you while manipulating you.
  • They lie habitually.
  • They have no credibility/don’t keep their word.

Let’s face it. We all have hardships in life and sometimes have to rebuild from Square One. (This has been especially true in the last year with all the lockdowns and job losses.) The difference here is that a quality person will do whatever they can to get back on their feet and be independent while a Scrub/non-quality person will be fine allowing others to support them and do nothing to change their situation.

A quality person …

No one is perfect. However, a quality person will have many or all of these characteristics:

  • Integrity.
  • Ambition.
  • Always forgiving/Asks for forgiveness.
  • Makes things right.
  • Is generous with time, money and energy.
  • Has consistent positive actions and good intentions.

I made this list before actually doing research on what experts are saying. My list seems to coincide with others like the Jim Rohn Guide to Leadership published on Success.com. His list is focused on business/leadership characteristics, but they apply to personal characteristics, too. They include:

  1. Integrity — The root of integrity means “whole” or “undivided,” and that’s a terrific way to help us understand what integrity is — an undivided life. For example, you don’t act one way in one situation and another in a different situation. There is integrity and wholeness to your life. Living this way will build trust in your followers [and those with whom you are in a relationship].
  2. Honesty — It is regularly said that honesty is the best policy, but I would add that honesty is the only policy for great leaders … a lack of honesty results in the fact that you destroy the trust of those who follow you. Even if you tell them the truth but they know you have lied to others, it will destroy the trust you had with them … When we’re honest and live transparently before our followers, they’re able to see us for who we are and make solid decisions to follow.
  3. Loyalty — People of good character are loyal people. They have a “stick-to-it” attitude when it comes to others …  A person of good character stays with their friends even in the downtimes … When we are loyal to our followers, they’ll be loyal to us and make every effort to succeed on our behalf and on behalf of the organization. There are few things that strengthen the leader-follower bond more than when a leader shows loyalty to a follower in need.
  4. Self-Sacrifice — People of good character don’t use other people, period. So, when a leader shows sacrifice of personal gain, it says to the followers that they are willing to come alongside of them — and followers reward that almost universally. A person of good character shows that they can give up personal gain for the good of the whole.
  5. Accountability — People of good character don’t mind accountability. In fact, they welcome it. This is the act of allowing others to have a say in your life, to speak to you straight about your life and conduct … When we allow ourselves to be held accountable, our followers know that we are serious about keeping our own house in order, and thus will do a good job in leading the rest of the organization.
  6. Self-Control — Everybody has temptations, but a person of good character knows to exercise self-control — literal control over their choices. When people don’t exercise self-control, they sabotage their ability to lead. People lose respect for them and will follow less, if at all. Self-control is the ability to choose to do the things we should, and to refrain from doing the things we shouldn’t. When we exhibit self-control, we again build trust in our followers. They respect us and want to follow us.

I believe a person who possesses these qualities also has another quality not yet mentioned — love. A person who operates in unconditional love — for themselves and others — naturally exhibits these qualities and is therefore a quality person. “When you come to another with love in your heart, asking nothing, only offering that love, you create miraculous relationships,” wrote Dr. Wayne Dyer in Real Magic.

Love is the highest vibrational energy that exists. That’s why we’ve always been told to send people love instead of a negative, low-vibrational energy emotion such as hate, envy, jealousy, anger or fear. Your intentions matter. Acting with pure, loving intentions will make you a quality person and transform all your relationships. “Your intention to have a blissful relationship requires you to act in ways consistent with that intention,” Dr. Dyer wrote. “This is the secret to making your relationships magical … Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be all that you are capable of being … If you meet someone whose soul is not on purpose, as yours is, you send them love and move along, trusting and knowing that the right soul mates will show up and meet you at the same frequency that you are radiating.”

Be the best version of yourself — regardless of how others act. You’ll thank yourself for it. If the saying is true that “Like attracts like,” then by focusing on being a quality person yourself, you will eventually attract quality people. You will most definitely be able to spot them immediately, in any case.

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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The beauty of changing seasons

We’ve officially entered a new season — Spring. I’m incredibly grateful for the change. Some people believe that this season is actually the beginning of a new year. I have to agree with them this year and welcome the change.

To say this Winter has been a hard one for me would be a gigantic understatement. Not only have I dealt with some personal issues that I’m writing about in my upcoming book, but January felt like an entire year by itself and I went through a freak Texas snowstorm in February all alone.

The snowstorm (which is rare for us to have snow in North Texas to begin with) put us all back in lockdown again. Two days before the storm hit, I was able to locate firewood in a nearby suburb after days of scouring every store where I usually buy it. I was happy about that, but I did not expect to be without power for three days straight. The management of my complex told us to keep the faucets dripping, the cabinet doors open and the temperature above 55-degrees. The power distributor sent out notices that we should keep our heaters on 68-degrees or lower. Mine was already there.

I’m not going to lie — I am not a camper or someone who is good at surviving in the wilderness. I tried lighting a fire in my fireplace after the power went out, but keeping it going was challenging. Staying warm from it was even harder. Doing something as simple as heating water in a coffee kettle was impossible. I survived on a couple of handfuls of organic tortilla chips per day. I was wearing two layers of pants and tops, five layers of socks and house shoes, a hat, a hooded winter coat, a full-length mink coat and my granny’s fuzzy shearling housecoat. The warmest place in my townhouse was in my bed under every blanket I owned with my head covered. Hot water was non-existent for a couple of days after the power came back on. So, taking a hot bath to warm up wasn’t an option. Going to a hotel with power wasn’t an option, either because I couldn’t drive in snow — I tried driving down the street to get hot coffee and got stuck several times.

Once the electricity came back on, my thermostat said it was 33-degrees inside my house. Just a couple of hours after the electricity came back on with rolling blackouts, water started pouring from my light fixtures in my office and laundry room. It sounded like Niagara Falls inside my townhouse and flooded my laundry room, kitchen, office, hallway and part of my living room floors. Thank God it happened downstairs where I have hardwood floors and that none of my books or electronics were damaged.

I had never been so grateful for coffee and electricity in my life. Like everything else I’ve been through during my existence, I survived, but it really made me wish that I had a partner to go through that hardship with. It was hard on my married friends, but it was even harder on me going through it all by myself. Now, do you see why I’m so happy for a change?

This too shall pass

I’ve written about being grateful for new seasons. We experience new weather seasons about every three months. We also experience new seasons in life. That can look like any big change such as a new job, new relationship, new living location, the birth of a child, etc. It’s important to remember that we need to watch our thinking and attitudes at the beginning of any new season in life.

Senee Seale The Princess Guide
The flowers my grandfather planted decades ago continue to bloom every Spring — nearly 20 years after his death. Hope truly springs eternal.

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” wrote William James.

I remember when I moved into my townhouse nearly three years ago. When I move into a new place, I usually sleep so peacefully the first night and wake up happy, refreshed and hopeful. Not so this time. In fact, I had a neighbor call the apartment manager and onsite security on me the first day because her assigned parking spot was directly in front of my private sidewalk and private entrance, and my moving truck was temporarily parked there while my things were being unloaded. The bullying continued for months, unfortunately. I remember having my sleep interrupted many times during that first night — very unusual for me since I sleep soundly once I fall asleep. I woke up the next day basically crying and in internal turmoil. I thought many times during the first few months about moving. That was a serious thought since I hate moving with a passion.

Things have gotten better. It’s like the saying goes, “This too shall pass.” I had to feel the negative emotions caused by an outside person, release them and continue on with my life focusing on the positive things. Sometimes, new seasons appear to be negative because of choices we’ve made in previous seasons or because of people outside ourselves causing us problems because of jealousy, insecurity, a sense of entitlement or just because they think they can. It’s very important in these times to let the process play out, focus on being positive, practice gratitude and loving yourself first.

Endings are really new beginnings

Change is always an opportunity for growth — no matter if you experience positive or negative circumstances. You get to determine how outside events will affect you. I recommend allowing the pressure to create diamonds and the fire to refine you like pure gold. Keeping the faith and keeping hope alive will make a big difference in your outlook on life.

Endings don’t have to be negative things. They can be the catalyst to propel you to greater things and positive transformation — you decide.

“When something ends it seems like the end of something,” wrote Hemal Radi. “Consider that the ending of it was actually part of the process of something new beginning.”

I’m not pretending that being positive in the face of negativity is easy. It certainly isn’t. However, like Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, “What you focus on expands.” I’ve found this to be true. Psychology calls it a self-fulfilling prophesy. So, it’s imperative that you focus on the good things, things that are true, lovely, of good report [Philippians 4:8]. I don’t care what anyone says … If it makes you feel good (even if it’s just a daydream) this is what you need to focus on. Dr. Dyer used to say that since God is good, feeling good is feeling God. I wholeheartedly agree.

Take care of you

Sometimes, (and I believe it should be often in today’s society) it’s important to take a break during a new season. You may not be able to take a week off for a Spring Break, but you can turn your phone off on weekends and evenings or refuse to respond to or entertain negative people. You can have lunch in a beautiful place that makes your heart flutter, take a walk in nature, go to the lake or even watch beach movies and let yourself dream about the life you want to have. If you crave a change of scenery or location but you can’t afford one at the moment, you can always clean out your current living space, rearrange the furniture or do small renovations or furniture repurposing. Taking a hot bubble bath and pampering yourself is another way to rejuvenate your spirit on the cheap. This is all called good self-care. It was drilled into me during graduate school and is imperative for positive mental health.

Being authentic, practicing good self-care and focusing on being the best you that you can be is imperative. “Wake up every morning with a greater sense of self and the courage to let the true you shine,” Dr. Sue Morter.

Take the time this new season to stop and smell the flowers, enjoy the warmer weather, get outside and appreciate nature and do the things that make you feel good. Here’s to a new season.

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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That isn’t love

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love. In today’s society, we encounter many people who are either so emotionally unavailable that they only want you around when it’s convenient for them or they have nothing better to do, or they put so many conditions on love that you have to question if they’re offering you love or bondage.

“I love you, but you have to do this for me.” ” I love you, but if you don’t do this, I’ll never forgive you!” “You know I love you, but you have to act this certain way or you’re showing me that you don’t love me back!” “I love you only when you do this. Otherwise, I’m not sure I even like you!” “I love you, but you can’t say anything about my negative behavior … That shows me that I love and trust the wrong person!” The list goes on and on.

I keep going back in my mind to what it says about love in 1 Corinthians 13.

  • Love is patient.
  • Love is kind.
  • Love is not jealous.
  • Love does not brag.
  • Love is not proud.
  • Love is not rude.
  • Love is not selfish.
  • Love cannot be made angry easily.
  • Love does not remember wrongs done against it.
  • Love is never happy when others do wrong.
  • Love is always happy with the truth.
  • Love never gives up on people.
  • Love never stops trusting.
  • Love never loses hope.
  • Love never quits.
  • Love will never end.

Dr. Tim Clinton, author of Identifying Real Love, defines infatuation in contrast with real love to give us a deeper insight. “An infatuation does indeed go as unexpectedly as it comes and there is little you can do about it, but real love is unselfish, committed love. It hangs in there … Some couples are basing their marriage on real love. Others are basing theirs on infatuation which is false love. A marriage based on infatuation will not last,” he wrote.

In the last few weeks, I keep hearing in my head the line of a song my granny and I used to sing together, If That Isn’t Love (talking about Christ). However, I just keep hearing the words, “That isn’t love!” Example after example of relationships I’ve been involved in have crossed my mind, and I keep hearing those same words.

If someone says insulting things to you, that isn’t love. If someone puts you on a guilt trip and makes you feel badly, that isn’t love. If someone pressures you to give into their will and wishes, that isn’t love. If someone isn’t there for you physically and/or emotionally when they can be, that isn’t love. If someone chests on you, that obviously isn’t love. If someone tells you they’ll never forgive you for something you never did (but they thought you did), that isn’t love. If someone makes you an option when they have nothing better to do, that isn’t love. If someone makes you feel that you have no value to them, that isn’t love. I could go on and on with example after example, but you get my point.

Dr. Clinton said you can spot true love by these qualities:

  • True love offers a safe place to be you. It isn’t driven by a desire to rescue, over protect, control or manipulate … or a need to perform.
  •  True love values the other person for who they are and celebrates healthy separateness.
  • True love genuinely wants the best for the other person. It is grounded in our heart’s desire to cherish, honor and treasure another simply because of who they are.

These three things are easy to understand and remember. However, if that isn’t enough, the he gives us these clues to look for:

  • If your love is real, your interest is in the total personality of the one you love. There is the thrilling element of physical attraction, but it is only one of many things about the person that attracts you.
  • If it is real love, most of the qualities of the other person attracts you. This is important because, when the initial excitement of being married wears off, you need a lot of common interests to keep your marriage alive and well.
  • Real love always starts slowly. It cannot be any other way. You have to know a person before you can truly love that person and that takes time — lots of time — to really know someone.
  • In real love, your feelings are likely to be warm and tender instead of hot and cold, and they are more consistent. Real love grows slowly, but the roots grow deep.
  • If your love is real, the one you love will bring out your best qualities and make you want to be a better person. In real love, you plan and prepare yourself for a successful future marriage.
  • In real love, your beloved is the most important person in the world to you. However, your relationships with your family and friends continue to be important to you, and you do not neglect them.
  • In real love, absence makes your heart grow fonder of the one you love. Real love can and will survive the test of time and distance.
  • In real love, there will be disagreements, but real love will live through them. They will become less frequent and less severe. Every couple should learn how to handle conflicts. It is far better to discuss differences openly and frankly than to allow them to smolder under the surface.
  • Real love is unselfish, committed love. You want to do all you can to bring happiness to the other person. Your overall attitude is that of giving to the relationship and not that of getting what you can out of it.

“Regardless of the choices others make, you can learn the secrets of loving well,” Dr. Clinton wrote. “You can learn to recognize and receive real love when it comes your way — and push back when it doesn’t. You can learn to really love the people in your life — and know when and how to help them without hurting yourself in the process.”

I go back to the topic of loving yourself first. It is so important to practice it because, in today’s society of opportunists and online scammers, you will most likely be faced with unloving behavior. If you don’t love yourself first, it will be a lot harder to push back and stand up to this kind of behavior. Let me be very clear here: There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself when another person is mistreating you — no matter how many times they may call you stingy or selfish. It is your duty and responsibility to stand up for and protect yourself in a graceful and royal way, of course.

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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It’s (cat)fishing season: Beware of fake people

We all know about the Nigerian email scams. I remember receiving emails 20 years ago at my work address at the newspaper where I was a consumer editor and business reporter during the beginning of the Iraq war. All the emails were variations of the same story: The person was related to the king and needed help getting funds out of the country. (I published one of them in a column as a warning to readers.)

A recent search of my spam folder found modern-day variations of this scam including one from a so-called attorney in South Africa who said she had a client die with no relatives to give their millions of dollars to. This one was offering me 40% of the money keeping 60%. (How generous.)

These scammers have gotten more sophisticated moving into the online dating scene and social media. They seem to know current events quite well and always seem to crop up when a stimulus check or income tax check is about to be released. It’s become such a problem that I’ve received a couple of emails from my bank warning about such scams. They love to use the military as their alias with the Department of Defense issuing a warning in 2019 on its website.

“In April [2019], Army Criminal Investigation Command put out a warning about romance scams in which online predators go on dating sites claiming to be deployed active-duty soldiers,” the website states. “It’s a problem that’s affecting all branches of service — not just the Army.”

“Scammers, both male and female, make fake dating profiles, sometimes using photos of other people — even stolen pictures of real military personnel,” wrote the Federal Trade Commission on its website. “They build relationships — some even fake wedding plans — before they disappear with your money.”

I’ve been approached by such scammers, and the journalist in me has to play along occasionally just to see how far it will go so that I can warn you. They’re pretty good at being cyberbullies and can make physical threats online. I had a male friend tell me about one of his female friends who when through this, and he described a very common scenario — The guy says he’s active-duty military usually stationed in the same state as the woman but deployed overseas. (It’s very common for them to tell you that their parents have died when they were younger, and they were raised by a grandmother or aunt. It’s sad, but I’ve heard a variation of this story at least three or four times in the last year, and the last time I heard it, I started laughing so hard that I was literally crying!) They will often begin love bombing within the first few days or week saying they want to settle down and get married. (Trust me when I tell you that real guys take months after meeting you in person to say I Love you, if they ever say it at all.) If these fakers are really bold, they may even call you.

Usually by Week 2, they will start talking about how they need money and ask their target for it. Let me be clear, as a former military wife, I know that deployed servicemembers are receiving hazard pay beyond their normal salary. Nothing delays their funds from being direct deposited even during a deployment. Don’t fall for it.

“Remember: Service members and government employees DO NOT PAY to go on leave, have their personal effects sent home or fly back to the U.S. from an overseas assignment,” states the DOD website. “Scammers will sometimes provide false paperwork to make their case, but real servicemembers make their own requests for time off. Also, any official military or government emails will end in .mil or .gov — not .com — so, be suspicious if you get a message claiming to be from the military or government that doesn’t have one of those addresses.”

It isn’t just something woman have to deal with, either. I’ve talked to several men who have encountered much of the same with women saying they’re in the military deployed overseas or they’re overseas taking care of sick relatives. I even received a message recently on social media from someone posing as a woman claiming to live in my city (I knew it was a lie) who eventually asked for money for a sick relative.

“Scammers target people across different demographics on every dating platform possible,” wrote Megan Ellis for MakeUseOf.com. “This means that regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age or preferred platform, no one is off-bounds to a scammer.”

It’s sad that society has come to this. A close friend of mine and I were taking about this recently, and she said if they could get just one person to pay them a month that would be a pretty good payout. It appears to me that these scams run pretty quickly (around two weeks … a month if the scammer really likes you).

Warning signs to look for

Like I said before, these catfish aren’t swimming in just one lake … They’re everywhere online. Ellis outlined these eight red flags to look out for. She is focusing on online dating, but this can be applied to social media or anywhere people hangout online.

  1. Profile warning signs. There are a few signs you should look out for when looking at a potential match’s online dating profile. A few typical traits of a scammer’s profile include:
    1. Profiles have very few images or images that seem to be model or glamour stock photos.
    1. Despite looking for singles in your area, they work or live in another country [or state].
    1. Many scammers claim to be on military deployment in another country.
    1. On dating apps, scammers and bots will have very limited profile information. They also tend to only have one or two photos and do not link their profile to their Instagram or other accounts.
  2. They try to take the conversation elsewhere. Online dating scammers — especially those catfishing victims — will quickly ask you to move to another form of messaging outside the platform where you met. Often, scammers will want to communicate via written messages on Skype or Facebook. However, they may also choose to message you over SMS or an app like Whatsapp [or Hangouts]. Be wary of anyone you haven’t met that wants to move the conversation to another platform.
  3. Your match professes love early on. Online dating scammers tend to move very quickly in terms of professing an emotional connection. Within a short period, they may say they love you and that they feel a very deep connection to you. This is all part of the emotional manipulation involved in catfishing while using online dating. It’s also why people who are vulnerable and isolated are such desirable targets — since they’re yearning for a connection. You should look out for any matches that are overly flattering and overly devoted early on in your communication when you haven’t even met.
  4. They want to meet you, but something always comes up. A common line among online dating scammers is that they want to meet you, but when the time comes, there is always some unexpected issue. Since the scammer is not the person they claim to be, they don’t want to meet in person. This is also the reason why so many scammers claim to work in another country or be on military deployment since it provides them with an excuse for not being able to meet up. In fact, many scammers use photos of military personnel and soldiers on their profiles. The inability to meet you may even be the supposed reason they first try to solicit money from a victim. They may claim to need money to buy a ticket to travel to meet you. Sometimes, they’ll say that border officials detained them and that they need money for their release.
  5. They avoid video chat completely. According to the Better Business Bureau, the majority of romance scams trace back to people living in Nigeria. So, if a scammer is a foreigner from a country like Nigeria, Ghana or Malaysia, they may avoid phone calls or voice chat on programs like Skype, since their accent may give them away. However, scammers are able to fake accents for victims that back up their claimed country of origin. No matter what, a catfish will not appear in video chat since they use fake profile images. Be wary if your match is never willing to appear in video chat or always makes excuses about their camera being broken. Most smartphones now have built-in selfie cameras which makes video chatting relatively easy. Some people may initially hesitate to appear on video chat out of shyness. However, it’s a red flag if someone professes love, yet won’t let you talk to them over video after weeks of communication.
  6. They request money from you. Inevitably, a catfish will request money from you, as this is the ultimate goal of most scammers. There are a variety of scenarios that they may invent — from family emergencies, health issues or travel problems. Particularly inventive scammers may even trick you into sending them money by purportedly sending you a package that requires customs fees. Scammers don’t necessarily work alone, so you may receive a phone call or documents from someone posing as a third-party to request fees. Some scammers even request financial help or financial investment related to their fictional business. If any kind of financial request comes from your suitor — or from something related to them (such as a package or business) — this is the biggest sign that you are the target of a scam.
  7. They ask for your help with financial transactions. One of the newer online dating scams doesn’t request money from victims, but turns them into “money mules.” Rather than trying to get money from the victim, these scammers make you an accomplice in money laundering. One example includes the scammer sending money to the victim, who then sends them an Amazon card or another kind of gift card. Other times they might send you money and ask you to send it to another account for them. Sometimes, scammers may ask a victim to open a bank account for them. If your online suitor asks you to get involved in these types of financial transactions and exchanges, it’s likely that they’re a scammer trying to lure you into illegal activities.
  8. They send you a link to another service or website. Some scammers don’t bother with catfishing. They rather use more efficient ways to exploit victims. This is especially true on online dating apps where bot profiles are prevalent. If a match sends you a link to an app, game, service or website they say they want you to try out, this is often a ploy to get you to supply financial information or download malware. It is essentially the online dating version of phishing and is a very popular tactic for scammers on dating apps like Tinder.

What you can do

This problem has gotten so bad that the FBI has gotten involved in the last few years. “While the FBI and other federal partners work some of these cases — in particular those with a large number of victims or large dollar losses and/or those involving organized criminal groups — many are investigated by local and state authorities,” according to the FBI’s San Diego office website. “We strongly recommend, however, that if you think you’ve been victimized by a dating scam or any other online scam, file a complaint with our Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov). Before forwarding the complaints to the appropriate agencies, IC3 collates and analyzes the data — looking for common threads that could link complaints together and help identify the culprits. This helps keep everyone safe.”

The U.S. Army’s CIC has an entire webpage dedicated to spotting the red flags of an online dating scammer with links to news articles and other facts. It advises that you file complaints with IC3, as well, and long with the FTC.

Any time you meet someone online, you need to do a reverse lookup on their photos to see if they are appearing in other places. Doing search engine research is also a good idea, but let’s face it … Unless they have a unique name like mine or are a public figure, it will probably be hard to verify they are who they say they are. I like sending them a specific link to my website so that I can see through analytics where they’re located — and yes, Nigeria has appeared. If you think for any reason that your financial or banking information has been compromised (or just want to be safe rather than sorry), you can file a fraud alert with one of the credit reporting agencies (Transunion, Equifax or Experian), and they will share the information with the other two.

If you can get them to video chat with you to at least verify that they look like their photos, that’s even better. If you get photos that don’t look like the same person, well … there’s your answer. Don’t second guess your gut instincts. Like I’m always saying, the kingdom of heaven is within. You have all the answers inside yourself. Trust your intuition and pray for clear discernment. If it doesn’t feel right, it ain’t right, as a friend’s friend says.

Ladies, it’s like my grandparents always told me — A real man will never ask a woman for money. Men, a woman full of integrity will never tell you that she’s in need … She’d rather do without than ask you for anything. It’s one thing to be starting out in your 20s with nothing and work together to build an empire, but it’s quite another thing to be grown and begging strangers you’ve never actually met or spent time in the same room with for money. That isn’t a good look for anyone. Once you’re in a relationship and you want to help because you have the means, then do so. Until then, men (or whomever is the masculine-energy person, aka. the giver) pay for the dates and ladies (or whomever is the feminine-energy person, aka. the receiver), give him your undivided attention when you’re together.

It’s hard enough to know who you’re dealing with when you meet someone face-to-face, but you can almost always guarantee that someone you meet online who doesn’t live in your city, doesn’t ask for your phone number to call or text you and doesn’t ask you on a date within the first couple of weeks isn’t who they say they are. I catch myself referring to these people as not being real, but they actually are real people. They are just operating in such negative energy with intentions to hurt and steal from others that it’s hard to believe they’re human at all. Be careful. Do everything you can to protect yourself, and if at all possible, meet people the old-fashioned way — in person, face-to-face in the real world (not the cyber one).

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.