There was a time in my life where I found myself feeling tired — no, I was exhausted. I had been waiting for years for love to come into my life. I was exhausted from waiting and exhausted from dating. I was just exhausted. I realized that the best thing I could do for myself to express loving myself first was to stop the obsessive thoughts about another person and stop the negative thoughts about spending the rest of my life all alone.
I realized that I had to change my focus to things that I had control over, things that could help others, feed my purpose and make me feel good. Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say that God is good, and when we feel good, we are feeling God. Al-Anon teaches that when you identify things in your life that are unmanageable, you give them to God (as you know it) and focus on what you can change and control — yourself.
I have found that the real magic and amazing thing that happens when you redirect your attention to something else within your control is that you fuel your spirit, feel good and see results. Things you previously obsessed over tend to work out for your highest good either way — and you become perfectly fine with the outcome.
I began focusing on writing, creating new content for my brand, editing existing content and following through with new ideas and projects I had been thinking about. My spirit began to feel fueled. I began to feel good about myself and my purpose — I felt God, just like Dr. Dyer said. At the same time, I remained opened to receive love while staying protective of myself and who I allowed into my life. Christ said we have to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.
Not a quality person …
So, how do we know when a quality person comes along? I believe you have to start with identifying the characteristics of the wrong person before you can become clear on who is right.
In the 1990s, the female group TLC sang about Scrubs. In this song, they are identified as male, but these qualities can span both genders. They listed characteristics of a Scrub with some of them being:
- Flirting from a friend’s car but having no vehicle of his own.
- Living with parents, but not having a home of his own (not being financially independent or responsible).
- Having children, but not showing love or being an active, responsible part of their lives.
I can add a few more to the list:
- They don’t accept responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that happens to them in life.
- They try to convince you that their needs are more important than yours.
- They flatter you while manipulating you.
- They lie habitually.
- They have no credibility/don’t keep their word.
Let’s face it. We all have hardships in life and sometimes have to rebuild from Square One. (This has been especially true in the last year with all the lockdowns and job losses.) The difference here is that a quality person will do whatever they can to get back on their feet and be independent while a Scrub/non-quality person will be fine allowing others to support them and do nothing to change their situation.
A quality person …
No one is perfect. However, a quality person will have many or all of these characteristics:
- Integrity.
- Ambition.
- Always forgiving/Asks for forgiveness.
- Makes things right.
- Is generous with time, money and energy.
- Has consistent positive actions and good intentions.
I made this list before actually doing research on what experts are saying. My list seems to coincide with others like the Jim Rohn Guide to Leadership published on Success.com. His list is focused on business/leadership characteristics, but they apply to personal characteristics, too. They include:
- Integrity — The root of integrity means “whole” or “undivided,” and that’s a terrific way to help us understand what integrity is — an undivided life. For example, you don’t act one way in one situation and another in a different situation. There is integrity and wholeness to your life. Living this way will build trust in your followers [and those with whom you are in a relationship].
- Honesty — It is regularly said that honesty is the best policy, but I would add that honesty is the only policy for great leaders … a lack of honesty results in the fact that you destroy the trust of those who follow you. Even if you tell them the truth but they know you have lied to others, it will destroy the trust you had with them … When we’re honest and live transparently before our followers, they’re able to see us for who we are and make solid decisions to follow.
- Loyalty — People of good character are loyal people. They have a “stick-to-it” attitude when it comes to others … A person of good character stays with their friends even in the downtimes … When we are loyal to our followers, they’ll be loyal to us and make every effort to succeed on our behalf and on behalf of the organization. There are few things that strengthen the leader-follower bond more than when a leader shows loyalty to a follower in need.
- Self-Sacrifice — People of good character don’t use other people, period. So, when a leader shows sacrifice of personal gain, it says to the followers that they are willing to come alongside of them — and followers reward that almost universally. A person of good character shows that they can give up personal gain for the good of the whole.
- Accountability — People of good character don’t mind accountability. In fact, they welcome it. This is the act of allowing others to have a say in your life, to speak to you straight about your life and conduct … When we allow ourselves to be held accountable, our followers know that we are serious about keeping our own house in order, and thus will do a good job in leading the rest of the organization.
- Self-Control — Everybody has temptations, but a person of good character knows to exercise self-control — literal control over their choices. When people don’t exercise self-control, they sabotage their ability to lead. People lose respect for them and will follow less, if at all. Self-control is the ability to choose to do the things we should, and to refrain from doing the things we shouldn’t. When we exhibit self-control, we again build trust in our followers. They respect us and want to follow us.
I believe a person who possesses these qualities also has another quality not yet mentioned — love. A person who operates in unconditional love — for themselves and others — naturally exhibits these qualities and is therefore a quality person. “When you come to another with love in your heart, asking nothing, only offering that love, you create miraculous relationships,” wrote Dr. Wayne Dyer in Real Magic.
Love is the highest vibrational energy that exists. That’s why we’ve always been told to send people love instead of a negative, low-vibrational energy emotion such as hate, envy, jealousy, anger or fear. Your intentions matter. Acting with pure, loving intentions will make you a quality person and transform all your relationships. “Your intention to have a blissful relationship requires you to act in ways consistent with that intention,” Dr. Dyer wrote. “This is the secret to making your relationships magical … Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be all that you are capable of being … If you meet someone whose soul is not on purpose, as yours is, you send them love and move along, trusting and knowing that the right soul mates will show up and meet you at the same frequency that you are radiating.”
Be the best version of yourself — regardless of how others act. You’ll thank yourself for it. If the saying is true that “Like attracts like,” then by focusing on being a quality person yourself, you will eventually attract quality people. You will most definitely be able to spot them immediately, in any case.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
