We all know about the Nigerian email scams. I remember receiving emails 20 years ago at my work address at the newspaper where I was a consumer editor and business reporter during the beginning of the Iraq war. All the emails were variations of the same story: The person was related to the king and needed help getting funds out of the country. (I published one of them in a column as a warning to readers.)
A recent search of my spam folder found modern-day variations of this scam including one from a so-called attorney in South Africa who said she had a client die with no relatives to give their millions of dollars to. This one was offering me 40% of the money keeping 60%. (How generous.)
These scammers have gotten more sophisticated moving into the online dating scene and social media. They seem to know current events quite well and always seem to crop up when a stimulus check or income tax check is about to be released. It’s become such a problem that I’ve received a couple of emails from my bank warning about such scams. They love to use the military as their alias with the Department of Defense issuing a warning in 2019 on its website.
“In April [2019], Army Criminal Investigation Command put out a warning about romance scams in which online predators go on dating sites claiming to be deployed active-duty soldiers,” the website states. “It’s a problem that’s affecting all branches of service — not just the Army.”
“Scammers, both male and female, make fake dating profiles, sometimes using photos of other people — even stolen pictures of real military personnel,” wrote the Federal Trade Commission on its website. “They build relationships — some even fake wedding plans — before they disappear with your money.”
I’ve been approached by such scammers, and the journalist in me has to play along occasionally just to see how far it will go so that I can warn you. They’re pretty good at being cyberbullies and can make physical threats online. I had a male friend tell me about one of his female friends who when through this, and he described a very common scenario — The guy says he’s active-duty military usually stationed in the same state as the woman but deployed overseas. (It’s very common for them to tell you that their parents have died when they were younger, and they were raised by a grandmother or aunt. It’s sad, but I’ve heard a variation of this story at least three or four times in the last year, and the last time I heard it, I started laughing so hard that I was literally crying!) They will often begin love bombing within the first few days or week saying they want to settle down and get married. (Trust me when I tell you that real guys take months after meeting you in person to say I Love you, if they ever say it at all.) If these fakers are really bold, they may even call you.
Usually by Week 2, they will start talking about how they need money and ask their target for it. Let me be clear, as a former military wife, I know that deployed servicemembers are receiving hazard pay beyond their normal salary. Nothing delays their funds from being direct deposited even during a deployment. Don’t fall for it.
“Remember: Service members and government employees DO NOT PAY to go on leave, have their personal effects sent home or fly back to the U.S. from an overseas assignment,” states the DOD website. “Scammers will sometimes provide false paperwork to make their case, but real servicemembers make their own requests for time off. Also, any official military or government emails will end in .mil or .gov — not .com — so, be suspicious if you get a message claiming to be from the military or government that doesn’t have one of those addresses.”
It isn’t just something woman have to deal with, either. I’ve talked to several men who have encountered much of the same with women saying they’re in the military deployed overseas or they’re overseas taking care of sick relatives. I even received a message recently on social media from someone posing as a woman claiming to live in my city (I knew it was a lie) who eventually asked for money for a sick relative.
“Scammers target people across different demographics on every dating platform possible,” wrote Megan Ellis for MakeUseOf.com. “This means that regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age or preferred platform, no one is off-bounds to a scammer.”
It’s sad that society has come to this. A close friend of mine and I were taking about this recently, and she said if they could get just one person to pay them a month that would be a pretty good payout. It appears to me that these scams run pretty quickly (around two weeks … a month if the scammer really likes you).
Warning signs to look for
Like I said before, these catfish aren’t swimming in just one lake … They’re everywhere online. Ellis outlined these eight red flags to look out for. She is focusing on online dating, but this can be applied to social media or anywhere people hangout online.
- Profile warning signs. There are a few signs you should look out for when looking at a potential match’s online dating profile. A few typical traits of a scammer’s profile include:
- Profiles have very few images or images that seem to be model or glamour stock photos.
- Despite looking for singles in your area, they work or live in another country [or state].
- Many scammers claim to be on military deployment in another country.
- On dating apps, scammers and bots will have very limited profile information. They also tend to only have one or two photos and do not link their profile to their Instagram or other accounts.
- They try to take the conversation elsewhere. Online dating scammers — especially those catfishing victims — will quickly ask you to move to another form of messaging outside the platform where you met. Often, scammers will want to communicate via written messages on Skype or Facebook. However, they may also choose to message you over SMS or an app like Whatsapp [or Hangouts]. Be wary of anyone you haven’t met that wants to move the conversation to another platform.
- Your match professes love early on. Online dating scammers tend to move very quickly in terms of professing an emotional connection. Within a short period, they may say they love you and that they feel a very deep connection to you. This is all part of the emotional manipulation involved in catfishing while using online dating. It’s also why people who are vulnerable and isolated are such desirable targets — since they’re yearning for a connection. You should look out for any matches that are overly flattering and overly devoted early on in your communication when you haven’t even met.
- They want to meet you, but something always comes up. A common line among online dating scammers is that they want to meet you, but when the time comes, there is always some unexpected issue. Since the scammer is not the person they claim to be, they don’t want to meet in person. This is also the reason why so many scammers claim to work in another country or be on military deployment since it provides them with an excuse for not being able to meet up. In fact, many scammers use photos of military personnel and soldiers on their profiles. The inability to meet you may even be the supposed reason they first try to solicit money from a victim. They may claim to need money to buy a ticket to travel to meet you. Sometimes, they’ll say that border officials detained them and that they need money for their release.
- They avoid video chat completely. According to the Better Business Bureau, the majority of romance scams trace back to people living in Nigeria. So, if a scammer is a foreigner from a country like Nigeria, Ghana or Malaysia, they may avoid phone calls or voice chat on programs like Skype, since their accent may give them away. However, scammers are able to fake accents for victims that back up their claimed country of origin. No matter what, a catfish will not appear in video chat since they use fake profile images. Be wary if your match is never willing to appear in video chat or always makes excuses about their camera being broken. Most smartphones now have built-in selfie cameras which makes video chatting relatively easy. Some people may initially hesitate to appear on video chat out of shyness. However, it’s a red flag if someone professes love, yet won’t let you talk to them over video after weeks of communication.
- They request money from you. Inevitably, a catfish will request money from you, as this is the ultimate goal of most scammers. There are a variety of scenarios that they may invent — from family emergencies, health issues or travel problems. Particularly inventive scammers may even trick you into sending them money by purportedly sending you a package that requires customs fees. Scammers don’t necessarily work alone, so you may receive a phone call or documents from someone posing as a third-party to request fees. Some scammers even request financial help or financial investment related to their fictional business. If any kind of financial request comes from your suitor — or from something related to them (such as a package or business) — this is the biggest sign that you are the target of a scam.
- They ask for your help with financial transactions. One of the newer online dating scams doesn’t request money from victims, but turns them into “money mules.” Rather than trying to get money from the victim, these scammers make you an accomplice in money laundering. One example includes the scammer sending money to the victim, who then sends them an Amazon card or another kind of gift card. Other times they might send you money and ask you to send it to another account for them. Sometimes, scammers may ask a victim to open a bank account for them. If your online suitor asks you to get involved in these types of financial transactions and exchanges, it’s likely that they’re a scammer trying to lure you into illegal activities.
- They send you a link to another service or website. Some scammers don’t bother with catfishing. They rather use more efficient ways to exploit victims. This is especially true on online dating apps where bot profiles are prevalent. If a match sends you a link to an app, game, service or website they say they want you to try out, this is often a ploy to get you to supply financial information or download malware. It is essentially the online dating version of phishing and is a very popular tactic for scammers on dating apps like Tinder.
What you can do
This problem has gotten so bad that the FBI has gotten involved in the last few years. “While the FBI and other federal partners work some of these cases — in particular those with a large number of victims or large dollar losses and/or those involving organized criminal groups — many are investigated by local and state authorities,” according to the FBI’s San Diego office website. “We strongly recommend, however, that if you think you’ve been victimized by a dating scam or any other online scam, file a complaint with our Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov). Before forwarding the complaints to the appropriate agencies, IC3 collates and analyzes the data — looking for common threads that could link complaints together and help identify the culprits. This helps keep everyone safe.”
The U.S. Army’s CIC has an entire webpage dedicated to spotting the red flags of an online dating scammer with links to news articles and other facts. It advises that you file complaints with IC3, as well, and long with the FTC.
Any time you meet someone online, you need to do a reverse lookup on their photos to see if they are appearing in other places. Doing search engine research is also a good idea, but let’s face it … Unless they have a unique name like mine or are a public figure, it will probably be hard to verify they are who they say they are. I like sending them a specific link to my website so that I can see through analytics where they’re located — and yes, Nigeria has appeared. If you think for any reason that your financial or banking information has been compromised (or just want to be safe rather than sorry), you can file a fraud alert with one of the credit reporting agencies (Transunion, Equifax or Experian), and they will share the information with the other two.
If you can get them to video chat with you to at least verify that they look like their photos, that’s even better. If you get photos that don’t look like the same person, well … there’s your answer. Don’t second guess your gut instincts. Like I’m always saying, the kingdom of heaven is within. You have all the answers inside yourself. Trust your intuition and pray for clear discernment. If it doesn’t feel right, it ain’t right, as a friend’s friend says.
Ladies, it’s like my grandparents always told me — A real man will never ask a woman for money. Men, a woman full of integrity will never tell you that she’s in need … She’d rather do without than ask you for anything. It’s one thing to be starting out in your 20s with nothing and work together to build an empire, but it’s quite another thing to be grown and begging strangers you’ve never actually met or spent time in the same room with for money. That isn’t a good look for anyone. Once you’re in a relationship and you want to help because you have the means, then do so. Until then, men (or whomever is the masculine-energy person, aka. the giver) pay for the dates and ladies (or whomever is the feminine-energy person, aka. the receiver), give him your undivided attention when you’re together.
It’s hard enough to know who you’re dealing with when you meet someone face-to-face, but you can almost always guarantee that someone you meet online who doesn’t live in your city, doesn’t ask for your phone number to call or text you and doesn’t ask you on a date within the first couple of weeks isn’t who they say they are. I catch myself referring to these people as not being real, but they actually are real people. They are just operating in such negative energy with intentions to hurt and steal from others that it’s hard to believe they’re human at all. Be careful. Do everything you can to protect yourself, and if at all possible, meet people the old-fashioned way — in person, face-to-face in the real world (not the cyber one).
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
