This is an excerpt from my upcoming book “The Princess Guide to Gratitude” now available on presale in eBook and paperback on Amazon.com and ThePrincessGuide.com.
It was my birthday 2019, and honestly, in the days leading up to it, I was feeling a little down. I was kind of lonely, but more than that, I was longing to feel kindness and unconditional love from another person. The life of a writer is often very solitary. It’s in that space where we find our inspiration, voice, and ideas to share with the world. I don’t mind the solitude. I’m one of those strange people who is both an introvert and an extrovert—I need a balance of both alone time and social time to be at optimal levels. However, at that time in my life I had spent a lot of time by myself.
I didn’t want to be around just anyone—I certainly didn’t want to be around people who manipulate and control me, think they can put me down with their words and actions, and tell me what I can and can’t do. The truth was, it seemed like every time I got into my car there was some rude person honking their horn at me, cutting me off, being rude in the grocery store line … you get the picture. I just didn’t want any more of those experiences.
I told my best friend the day before my birthday that I would have given almost anything to have someone call me and say, “Hey, I want to celebrate you and take you out to dinner for your birthday. We can do anything you want to do.” (Going out to dinner is a huge treat for me since I live alone and can’t drive at night because of my limited night vision.)
My best friend (who lives in another state) said, “If I were there, I would take you!” I knew she would. I just didn’t have people in my life at that moment who would spend time with me. And more importantly, I didn’t have anyone in my life who cared about what I wanted. I’ve had plenty of people throughout my life who would do things for me that they wanted, but they really didn’t care what I wanted. Everything with these people was always conditional on my performance … If I was pleasing enough to them and allowed them to control me, then I would be rewarded by them giving me what they wanted me to have (which was never what I actually wanted).
No, this year, I wanted true unconditional love. I knew it was probably not going to happen. So, I decided to show it to myself.
As I was putting on my PJs that night, I looked at the clock and it read: 12:01 a.m. I said (out loud with glee and my hand in the air like an excited little girl), “It’s my birthday!” Then, I immediately began naming out loud all the things I was grateful for … my youthful looks, skinny body, beautiful long, thick hair, pretty eyes, determination to succeed in everything I do, caring heart, integrity, beautiful place to live … the list went on and on. I woke up the next morning doing the same thing. I didn’t decide I was going to do it. It was just automatic.
I remember when I was studying Substance Abuse Counseling I would sometimes start freaking out about my life. One of my professors would tell me that I had “high-class problems” and I needed to find someone that I could help. During this time leading up to my birthday, I was trying to do that through my writing, but I knew I needed to help someone one-on-one. I began praying the week of my birthday that someone I could help would cross my path. On the morning of my birthday, as I was drinking coffee and responding to birthday wishes, a friend from graduate school messaged me. She was telling me how depressed she was feeling, and I began telling her what I was writing about in this book. I told her how gratitude changes things, and it refocuses our minds from the negative things to the positive ones. She said she was going to try it, and she seemed to have felt better at the end of our conversation. I felt better, too.
Next, I went to one of my favorite restaurants, Urban Taco. (For some reason, the last few years I have found myself there on my birthday.) I usually order the same things every time I go: the chips and salsa trio and the Ceviche Tower. The waiter asked me if I was having a good day, and I told him yes, it was my birthday. He gave me the chips and dip for free as a birthday gift. (I was grateful for the kindness.)
Then, I went on one of my treasure hunts. I was a journalism and fashion design major at Texas Tech University. I’ve always loved going to thrift stores and finding vintage and designer clothing that I can wear or alter to wear. Most of the time, I keep and wear them. Lately, I’ve also been selling some pieces I find on my online store Princess Guide Curations (PGC.BecomingPublishing.com) where I also sell crotchet items I make by hand. My favorite store was closed. So, I went to another one that had been good in the past. I ended up bringing home only one long sweater … It was kind of a bust, but I had a good time singing and dancing to the 80s music they were playing while I was shopping.
I ended my outing by stopping at my other favorite birthday place, The Cheesecake Factory. According to my holistic doctor, I’m allergic to cow’s milk and not supposed to eat real cheesecake, but this is just a once-a-year thing. I was seated in an empty area. I waited for someone to take my order. And I waited. And I waited. The tables around me filled up, and I waited. Servers were taking all their orders, and I stopped waiting. I grabbed the next server I saw and asked if someone could take my order since I was there before everyone else. The girl I stopped said she would be my server.
Long story short, she asked if I was having a good day, I told her it was my birthday, and I ordered by Turtle Cheesecake and a coffee. She and another girl brought it out to me with a lit candle and sang Happy Birthday to me. (I wished for success with the books I was writing and publishing … I want to help as many people as possible.)
What I wasn’t expecting was when I asked for the check, the server told me she and the girl who sang to me were paying for it. That act of unconditional love from strangers impacted me so profoundly, I started crying before I could get out of the restaurant. And I ugly cried when I got in my car. You have no idea how much that meant to me. There was a time—not so long ago—that paying for the cheesecake and coffee would have been a stretch for me. I had the cash that day to pay for it. It wasn’t about the money. It was the fact that someone cared enough about me to pay for my birthday treat. I’m so incredibly grateful for the kindness of strangers!
I honestly believe what brought in those positive deeds was me focusing on gratitude and helping others. Who can you help today, and how can you show gratitude for all the positive things in your life?
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