I was recently contacted by a man who said he was using a dating app to meet women, and he told me about a couple of them who he went out with. One, basically asked him to marry her on their second date, and another one spent two to three hours on the first date dumping all her problems on him while drinking a bottle of wine by herself, insulted him for not sharing anything about himself then asked him if he would be interested in having sex with her in her car. (He said no.) He asked me how can he know when he’s met a good woman.
“Good” is a relative term, in my opinion — meaning that each person has their own, different definition. Only you know what is good for you. Like I’m always saying and writing about … You have to go to the kingdom within and know yourself first, then you will know what is best for you. That isn’t something someone outside yourself can tell you. They may be able to point some things out for you, but you are the one who makes the ultimate decision.
The only way you can truly know if someone is a good person is to spend time in their presence. You have to observe their actions over time.
Divine/royal people vs. basic people
Dating is incredibly confusing today. You need more than a map, compass and telescope to get through these waters.
People aren’t always honest about their intentions, and months down the road you can find out that whatever it is that you are looking for, they don’t want it. I really appreciate the ones who say upfront that they aren’t a match. It saves a lot of time, a broken heart and disappointed spirit.
I mentioned Basic Broads/Basic Boys recently in a blog post about not allowing another person to define your worth. These types of people are often envious of anyone who radiates the internal beauty that only comes from doing the intense, internal work that most people are not willing to do themselves. In my experience and observation, they often:
- Cause drama.
- Make things unnecessarily difficult on other people.
- Wait until the last minute to do things.
- Have no regard for others or making things inconvenient for them.
- Seek revenge and make things unnecessarily difficult for those they think wronged them.
- Stalk others online or spread untrue rumors about people.
- Do not do the right thing in a situation.
Unfortunately, it appears that many people on this planet are basic people wearing paper crowns pretending to be royal and demanding royal treatment. Let me tell you the qualities of a royal person. Royal/divine people:
- Operate from high, royal, moral character and integrity.
- Show love to others, even in the face of rejection.
- Love themselves first and are equipped to love others fully while setting and enforcing appropriate boundaries.
- Are grateful for everything that happens to them — good and bad.
- Learn their lessons in life and take responsibility for their mistakes.
- Consciously stay in positive energy.
- Are easy to be with — being in their presence makes others feel good, accepted and worthy.
- Know who they are and hold themselves to a higher standard.
- Do not seek revenge or to hurt others — they know every person will get back to them what they put out into the world.
One of my spiritual girlfriends is always calling me “queen” and “empress” — The divine in her recognizes the divine in me, and vice versa. She recently said to me, “He thought you were going to be like all the other women on the dating site. No, you met a Divine Feminine. We’re spread all over. So, you never know where you’re going to meet us.”
Good people are everywhere. I believe it’s easier to recognize royal/divine people when you’re in the same room with them. With today’s technology, people can fool you. An attorney friend of mine used to tell me when I started the online dating thing years ago, “Trust, but verify.” If a person can prove they are who they say they are, then they’re a good person.
What is a quality person?
I go back to the post I wrote recently on How to recognize a quality person. As I mentioned in that post, no one is perfect. However, a quality person will have many or all of these characteristics:
- Integrity.
- Ambition.
- Honesty.
- Loyalty.
- Self-sacrifice.
- Self-control.
- Accountability.
- Always forgiving/Asks for forgiveness.
- Makes things right.
- Is generous with time, money and energy.
- Has consistent positive actions and good intentions.
I’m always saying it, but it’s incredibly important to always be the best version of yourself — regardless of how others act. You’ll thank yourself for it. If the saying is true that “Like attracts like,” then by focusing on being a quality person yourself, you will eventually attract quality people.
Get clear on what you really want
I wrote in 2020 about How to get clear on what you want in life. You must know your core values, character, ambition, wants and desires. Once you determine that, you need to look for someone who has similar characteristics. However, you don’t want to be with someone who is exactly like you. It’s important to share things in common like interests, experiences, goals and ambition level, but the most important quality you should look for is shared core values. When those align, everything else is basically insignificant — or the small stiff that you shouldn’t sweat.
As I explained in the post on getting clear about what you really want, I’m big on list making because it combines thinking, writing and reading. These three things are known in Cognitive Psychology to reinforce learning. So, I encourage you to make a list of all the negative things you’ve experienced in past relationships. This man’s list could look something like this:
I don’t want a partner who …
- Dumps all her problem on me on the first date.
- Insults me without a good reason.
- Has so much baggage that she can’t have a friendly conversation without mentioning it.
- Asks me to get intimate with her after insulting me or the first time she meets me.
- Is afraid to be alone.
- Isn’t independent and can’t handle her own problems (or seek professional help to handle them).
Now, you know I don’t believe in focusing on the negative aspects of anything. So, after you make your negative list, I want you to make a positive list based on this one. Turn all the negatives into a positive so that you can easily and clearly recognize the behaviors and treatment you’re seeking. This man’s list could look something like this:
The person I’m seeking in my life will …
- Be fun to be around and make me feel heard and appreciated.
- Act interested in my life, and will not intentionally insult me.
- Have some baggage (like everyone), but will only talk about it in positive terms when asked and focus on solutions and the lessons she’s learned from them.
- Act like a lady, allow me to be the masculine and pursue her.
- Not be afraid to be alone.
- Be independent and can handle her own problems (or seek professional help to handle them).
- Want to be a partner with me and share a balance of good and bad — not just one or the other.
Once you have your list, then you will be able to easily and quickly identify the person who is best for you. Be honest with yourself when you make it. Realize that no person can meet all your needs, but you can find someone who will fill the majority.
There is not a perfect person on this planet. However, there is someone out there who is perfect for you. You must trust your intuition and discernment when it come to finding a partner. Like my best friend’s friend used to say, “If it don’t feel right, it ain’t right.” Trust your feelings and listen to yourself — you know, deep down inside, what and who is best for you. You’re so powerful. Trust that royal kingdom within you to give you all the answers you need.
Do you have a question about life that you want Senée to answer? Leave it in the comments or email it to PrincessGuide@BecomingPublishing.com.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
