I’ll admit it … I just haven’t been feeling like celebrating the holidays this year. I know people have been all over social media talking about putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. I get it — 2020 has been a gut punch year. I can honestly say that the events of this year have been the most difficult — collectively — that I can remember during my lifetime. Individually, we’ve all been through some rough stuff. I think that’s why being locked down for months didn’t affect some of us as badly, psychologically speaking, as it did others. However, it’s the first time I can ever remember the entire country — and the whole world — experiencing the same thing at the same time. Never would I have believed that everyone would be told to stay in their homes and not socialize.
Regardless, I’ve kind of had the holiday blahs this year. The last quarter of the year is always my favorite, but this year, I was enjoying Summer at the pool and finding myself looking longingly at it the other day as I walked by in my sweater, jeans and coat.
I had a friend who was nine years older than me, and she was like the big sister I never had. She passed away in her early 30s, but I’ll never forget a piece of advice she once gave me. She told me, “You can’t miss out on the holidays just because you’re single and alone. You have to do all the things by yourself that you want to do one day when you have a husband and family. Every year, I put on Christmas music, decorate my apartment and make cookies.”
I hear her voice in my head saying these words every year at this time, but it was especially loud this year. So, one day, I put on Christmas music and decorated every room of my townhouse. Another night, I found myself singing and dancing in my kitchen to Christmas music on the radio as I baked gluten-free, sugar-free cookies. I felt happy in those moments even thought my life doesn’t look like what I’m seeing others post on social media. Sometimes, I think that maybe my life — as untraditional as it is (even though I’m very traditional) — may actually be what some people desire. I get to decide the majority of what I do based on my own wishes instead of having to convince a house full of people to do the things I want to do.
I blame the Hallmark Channel for some of this. If you’ve read my work or followed me on social media for very long, then you know that I was a huge fan of the Hallmark Christmas movies. Yeah, that fascination is long over. It took locking me down all by myself for a couple of months to realize that watching someone fall in love in one to three weeks and live happily ever after is something I have no interest in doing. It isn’t real. We’re all smart people here. We know that mess isn’t real, but in some way, it gave us hope and made us think that we could experience true love, too, with all the Christmas stuff mixed in with it. Yeah, I’m over it.
Some of us escape into that Hallmark Christmas world because our reality is so opposite of the happy families and fun Christmas times they portray. Melody Beattie wrote about this in her book The Language of Letting Go. “Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday and what we feel we have to do … We may feel a sense of loss because we don’t have the kind of family to be with that we want … Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays.”
Beattie suggests the following for getting through the holidays in a healthy way:
- Deal with [your] feelings, but try not to dwell unduly on them.
- Put the holidays into perspective. A holiday is one day out of 365. We can get through any 24-hour period.
- Get through the day, but be aware there may be a post-holiday backlash. The feelings will catch up to us the next day. Deal with them, too. Get back on track as quickly as possible.
- Find and cherish the love that’s available, even if it isn’t exactly what we want. There may be those who appreciate our offer to share our day with them.
- [Know that] we are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue, to tell ourselves the rest of the world is experiencing the perfect holiday, and we’re alone in conflict.
- We can create our own holiday agenda.[We can do all the fun, festive things we like doing, and create our own traditions.]
- Buy yourself a present.
- Find someone to whom you can give.
- Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit.
Since I was in college, I usually buy myself a Christmas gift or two right after Thanksgiving, wrap it and put it under my tree. By Christmas, I forget what I got myself and am surprised. If you have the opportunity to drive around at night and see Christmas lights this year, do it. Not everyone has that luxury. If you can go spend time in a festive place that’s all decorated up — and it makes you feel happy and hopeful (that’s the key prerequisite here) — by all means, go. Get out and do the things this season that make you feel joyful even if you go all by yourself. Put on the Christmas music and have a dance party in your house all by yourself if you have to, but use this time to make yourself feel good. Find out what you like doing. Make new holiday traditions all for yourself. Use this time — especially if you’re all alone — to get to know yourself and what makes you feel happy and hopeful. After all, that is the magic of the season.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s offering deeply discounted coaching and counseling rates through the end of 2020.
