I’m constantly educating myself and trying to learn how to do things better. I was listening to a very successful entrepreneur the other day taking questions from audience members at one of his talks, and when he asked a woman if she had considered getting a business partner who had more experience in business than she did, her response was, “I have trust issues!” Can you relate? I admired her self-awareness and honesty.
The next day I ran across this quote from Rev. Mike Murdoch, “Trust God. Love people. God never commanded you to trust people. God commanded you to love people and trust Him. Know the difference. Your joy and victory depend on it …”
I spent some time writing about trust in my book The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart because it’s a big issue for many people. Since publishing the book, I’ve been thinking a lot about something, “After your broken heart has healed, how do you know if it’s safe to let someone back into your life? How do you know if you can trust the person who broke your heart?”
Now, I know a lot of people will say you can never trust someone who hurt you. You most definitely need to exhibit caution in these circumstances, but I don’t believe you should write someone off altogether. People can change … It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.
When thinking about this topic, I went to my tried and true source – Hallmark Channel movies. Yes, go ahead and laugh because I am giggling as I’m writing this post! But hear me out because there is some wisdom to gleam from these cheesy movies.
One of the new Spring 2018 movies dealt with the return of an old boyfriend who had promised to marry the lead character 14 years earlier after he completed medical school. He broke it off instead, and she was, understandably, skittish about being in a relationship with anyone much less dating. (This is a theme my recently divorced girlfriends and I have been discussing lately. When you make the ultimate commitment of marriage and the man still leaves or mistreats you or you have to ask him to leave, how can you trust your own judgment of someone new or even allow the same person back Into your life since you were the one who allowed him into your life in the first place to reek havoc on you?)
Back to the movie … As I was watching the story unfold, I found myself saying out loud to myself so my ears could hear it, “Pay attention! He came back trying to help her succeed in her business because it was the most valuable thing to her at that moment. He didn’t come back wanting anything from her accept her permission to help her and her friendship. He didn’t come back demanding she do anything for him or give him anything.” This is how you know someone is true. By paying attention to their actions over time, you will see their real intentions. Unfortunately, you have to take a gamble and allow that person into your life – at least on a limited basis – before you can obtain any of this information.
It was a Hallmark movie, and a happy ending is always guaranteed and love always wins out – That’s why I watch them. That’s Hollywood, though. Is there a way to ensure your own happy ending if you have trust issues?
In the movie, the lead character asked her best friend, “Do you think I’m crazy for giving him another chance? I don’t know how it’s going to go.” The best friend’s response was, “Hey, are you happy?” She said, “I am.” And the best friend said, “Then trust in that.”
Just before publishing this post, I was reminded of the lyrics of a song I used to sing as a teenager, “I see Jesus in your eyes and it makes me love you. I feel Jesus in your touch and I know He cares. I hear Jesus in your voice and it makes me listen. And I trust you with my love because you’re His. I see Him in you.” Maybe that’s all we need to look for, but instead of manufacturing it or using a magnifying glass to see what isn’t there, we need to be real with ourselves and see people for who they actually are and not for who they tell us they are or who we want them to be.
I hear people say all the time, “Trust is earned” or “Trust but verify.” Both are true and words of wisdom, but sometimes we just have to trust ourselves enough to give people a chance. It’s our job to give the chance and the other person’s job to prove themselves worthy of being in our lives.
We can trust the process. We can also trust that no matter how much people hurt us, there is a greater plan for our lives. Part of that plan may be to learn the lesson this terrible experience is trying to teach us so that we can help others through similar situations and get to the good part of our lives.
If you want some practical advice on how to go about trusting again, check out the upcoming blog post this Friday.
Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.
