This week, we’re flashing back to 2015 and continuing to talk about the most important relationship you have …
I had someone write me recently expressing her struggle in getting over being cheated on. I’ve been there. One of the first questions I asked myself was, “What did I do wrong?”
Now that I’ve lived life for a little while, I’m coming to the conclusion that it typically has little or nothing to do with what I could have done differently to prevent my partner from cheating and everything to do with me neglecting another relationship.
The key for me to heal after such devastation (and believe me when I say being cheated on and lied to is devastating) was working on the most important relationship of all — the relationship I have with myself. I’m coming to the conclusion that all relationships are meant to reflect, enhance and expose the relationship we have with ourselves.
Movies like Jerry Maguire tell us we are not whole and need a spouse to complete us. Stories like Beauty and the Beast and even Fifty Shades of Gray tell us if we try hard enough, are good enough and love the right way we can change any difficult person into someone royal who will love, cherish and provide for us.
It goes against everything Hollywood and the fairytales tell us, but when we can truly learn to love and cherish ourselves, then all other relationships in our lives will be enhanced. And I might add that reconnecting to God/higher power/universe/source energy … whatever you choose to call it is also where the healing process will begin.
I was regularly practicing meditation, seeing a therapist, attending Al-Anon meetings and exercising which promoted great healing and internal growth in my life. I looked and felt positive and optimistic about my life, and I had an overwhelming peace about my present and future. I fell in love with someone, and it all stopped. I stopped doing what worked for me to not make someone else feel uncomfortable, but the end result was losing the progress I had made.
Dr. Wayne Dyer often talks about how you can’t go outside yourself looking for what’s missing. It’s like looking for your keys in the front yard under the street light when you lost them inside the dark house. So, how do you start falling in love with yourself? Leslie Braswell offers these suggestions:
- Do you love yourself? Are you happy with yourself? If not, take some time, two weeks or longer if need be, to get right with the person that matters most — you.
- During this time forget about dating and understand that there is no [other person] in the world that your happiness should depend on.
- Reflect on what makes you content and fulfilled. It’s imperative to always seek out ways to improve your life and to be open to the possibility of love when it comes knocking.
- Make a list of everything you enjoy doing, but neglected while in a relationship. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel beautiful and amazing.
- Get a mini makeover. A full-blown spa day does wonders to lift a girl’s spirits, helps you to relax and makes you look and feel great.
- If you can afford a little shopping spree then make a date with yourself to go shopping.
- Contact old friends you neglected when you were in a relationship.
- Hit the gym. Now more than ever, it’s important to keep yourself healthy. It’ll make you feel better and relieve stress at the same time.
- Schedule a girl’s night out with a few of your close, trusted friends. These are the girls you should be able to trust to keep your deepest secrets.
- Get your house in order. It doesn’t have to be a penthouse, but clean and organized doesn’t cost a cent. Make the best of what you have.
It Isn’t easy. If it were, we would all be pros at it and therapists and life guides like me would be out of jobs, but I believe it’s possible. How are you nurturing the relationship with yourself?
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the website today!
