This week, we’re flashing back to 2015 and continuing to talk about the most important relationship you have …
I had someone write me recently expressing her struggle in
getting over being cheated on. I’ve been there. One of the first questions I
asked myself was, “What did I do wrong?”
Now that I’ve lived life for a little while, I’m coming to
the conclusion that it typically has little or nothing to do with what I could
have done differently to prevent my partner from cheating and everything to do
with me neglecting another relationship.
The key for me to heal after such devastation (and believe
me when I say being cheated on and lied to is devastating) was working on the
most important relationship of all — the relationship I have with myself. I’m
coming to the conclusion that all relationships are meant to reflect, enhance
and expose the relationship we have with ourselves.
Movies like Jerry Maguire tell us we are not whole
and need a spouse to complete us. Stories like Beauty and the Beast and
even Fifty Shades of Gray tell us if we try hard enough, are good enough
and love the right way we can change any difficult person into someone royal
who will love, cherish and provide for us.
It goes against everything Hollywood and the fairytales tell
us, but when we can truly learn to love and cherish ourselves, then all other
relationships in our lives will be enhanced. And I might add that reconnecting
to God/higher power/universe/source energy … whatever you choose to call it
is also where the healing process will begin.
I was regularly practicing meditation, seeing a therapist,
attending Al-Anon meetings and exercising which promoted great healing and
internal growth in my life. I looked and felt positive and optimistic
about my life, and I had an overwhelming peace about my present and future. I
fell in love with someone, and it all stopped. I stopped doing what worked for
me to not make someone else feel uncomfortable, but the end result was losing
the progress I had made.
Dr. Wayne Dyer often talks about how you can’t go outside
yourself looking for what’s missing. It’s like looking for your keys in
the front yard under the street light when you lost them inside the dark house.
So, how do you start falling in love with yourself? Leslie Braswell offers
these suggestions:
Do you love yourself? Are you happy with yourself? If not, take some time, two weeks or longer if need be, to get right with the person that matters most — you.
During this time forget about dating and understand that there is no [other person] in the world that your happiness should depend on.
Reflect on what makes you content and fulfilled. It’s imperative to always seek out ways to improve your life and to be open to the possibility of love when it comes knocking.
Make a list of everything you enjoy doing, but neglected while in a relationship. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel beautiful and amazing.
Get a mini makeover. A full-blown spa day does wonders to lift a girl’s spirits, helps you to relax and makes you look and feel great.
If you can afford a little shopping spree then make a date with yourself to go shopping.
Contact old friends you neglected when you were in a relationship.
Hit the gym. Now more than ever, it’s important to keep yourself healthy. It’ll make you feel better and relieve stress at the same time.
Schedule a girl’s night out with a few of your close, trusted friends. These are the girls you should be able to trust to keep your deepest secrets.
Get your house in order. It doesn’t have to be a penthouse, but clean and organized doesn’t cost a cent. Make the best of what you have.
It Isn’t easy. If it were, we would all be pros at it and therapists and life guides like me would be out of jobs, but I believe it’s possible. How are you nurturing the relationship with yourself?
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the website today!
It’s my birthday week. Nearly two decades ago, I bought my first tiara. The lady in the store told me it was a good time because they always stock up on them for the little girls at Halloween. I was buying it to wear on my birthday in October. Ever since, I have worn one on my birthday and any time I’m feeling less than royal to remind myself of who I truly am—a princess of high, royal, moral character and integrity. Of course, I also wear one when I’m doing an appearance or book signing for The Princess Guide. When I’m in a mood to not be as easily recognized, I wear my crown ring as a reminder.
Facebook meme, unknown author
I’ve shared this story before, but in case you haven’t
read it, let me tell it again because it’s very appropriate here.
My whole life, I’ve had children point at me and call
me a princess or Princess Barbie. Strangers have called me a princess and a
Southern Belle. It’s happened a lot, but I didn’t put the pieces together until
a few years ago.
One landmark day in 2016, I was driving in my car on
the interstate, but it was as if I was in a trance. I vaguely remember driving,
but what I do remember are the words that were being downloaded to me the whole
time. The information translated to me informed me that I was a princess from
another dimension before I came to this earth, and that I was deeply loved and
cared for there. I had servants to help me and do things for me, but they did
it not because they had to, but because they wanted to—because they loved me. I
was informed that I wanted to know what it was like to be a peasant, so I came
here to experience this, but also to overcome it and help other people. I was
told that being in this life doesn’t change who I really am—it’s like being on
vacation; who you are doesn’t change because your location changes.
I’ve had many downloads in the last year that have
made a little more sense of this information, and I’ve come to understand that
being here is basically going to college incognito. (That explains why it’s
been so hard to get my messages out into the world because I’m a nobody here.)
I’m hear to learn before I go home to start my career (after I pass on to the
next density).
I’ve had a hard time accepting all this information.
I’ve been so mistreated in this life by the very people who were supposed to
love and cherish me the most. I was really afraid to tell anyone about this
experience. However, the few people I did tell this story to all said basically
the same thing, “Duh! Tell me something I don’t know!” My trusted advisor said,
“Of course you are! You’re a daughter of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and
the Most High God!” I’ve heard that my whole life, but it didn’t start
resonating with me until a few years ago.
In his book Letting Go, Dr. David Hawkins shed
some light into this matter, “As a general rule, therefore, people who are
carrying the consciousness of apathy bring poverty circumstances into their
lives, and those with a prosperity consciousness bring abundance into their
lives.”
This is the time of year that I evaluate what has
happened in the past 12 months, and I set goals for the future. This has been a
very hard year for me—in terms of owning my power in the workplace and calling
my own shots in my career. It may be scary, but you always have a choice and
can make changes when something isn’t working in your life (see No. 5 & 6
below). I did that this year and got back on my path to purpose. It hasn’t been
easy, but I’ve experienced more peace, excitement and passion in what I’m doing
in my own business.
I’ve had to learn not to let anyone take my crown and
lure me off my throne—meaning: I have to do what is best for me and not allow
others to mistreat me whether it be in friendship relationships, work
relationships or romantic relationships.
So, what things can you do to honor yourself?
Relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul gave the Huffington Post these
suggestions in 2015 that still ring true today:
1. Listen within to your own feelings. Many people easily tune into others’ feelings yet have no idea what they feel. If you ignore a child’s feelings, that child will feel unloved. Ignoring your own feelings has the same result — your inner child feels rejected, abandoned and unloved by you.
2. Be compassionate with your feelings.
If you judge your feelings, telling yourself you are wrong for having them,
your inner child will feel rejected and abandoned by you. If you are kind,
gentle, tender, understanding and accepting of your feelings, your inner child
will feel loved by you.
3. Be open to learning about what your
feelings are telling you. Just as an actual child feels loved
when you are compassionately interested in why he or she is hurting, your inner
child will feel loved when you explore what your feelings are telling you. All
feelings are informational. Just as physical pain alerts you to a problem that
needs attention, so does emotional pain. Painful feelings are telling you that
you are abandoning yourself, or that someone is being unloving to you, or to
themselves or to others, or that a situation is not good for you.
Compassionately attending to your feelings, learning what they are telling you,
and then taking action to remedy the situation, will make you feel loved.
4. Create a solid connection with a
spiritual source of love, wisdom and comfort. Love is not a
feeling we generate from our mind. It comes from the heart when our heart is
open to our source of love. When you open to learning with your higher power
about loving yourself and others, love flows into your heart and you feel
loved.
5. Choose to be around loving people.
We don’t always have a choice — such as in work relationships — but when we do
have a choice — such as in personal relationships — choosing to be around
caring, supportive and accepting people will make you feel loved. If, when you
have a choice, you consistently engage with unkind, judgmental or abusive
people, the message you are sending to yourself is that you are not worth
loving.
6. Take loving actions for yourself around
others. When you are around someone who is being unkind,
speak up for yourself, letting the person know that you don’t like being
treated that way, and then either open to learning about what is going on, or
lovingly disengage from the interaction. Allowing others to treat you badly
sends a message to your inner child that he or she is not worth loving.
7. Take care of your body, your time, your
space and your finances. You will feel loved and lovable when
you feed yourself healthy food, and get exercise and sleep. When you ignore
your health, you are giving yourself the message that you are not worth loving.
When you respect your own and others’ time and space, you are letting yourself
know that you are worth it. When you overspend, putting yourself in unnecessary
debt, you are not taking loving care of yourself, and your inner child will
feel scared, alone and unloved. Just as an actual child needs to feel safe
regarding the necessities of life, your inner child needs to feel the same way.
8. Find work you love.
Since work takes up a big part of your day, finding or creating work that
fulfills you is vitally important. If you continue to force yourself to stay at
jobs you hate, the message to yourself is that you are not worth doing whatever
it is you need to do to create a fulfilling work life.
9. Create balance.
We need balance in our life to feel loved and lovable. We need time to work and
time to rest and rejuvenate. We also need time to nurture our body and soul
through activities that bring us joy.
Loving yourself and practicing those loving actions will not only help you get healthy self-esteem that no one can take away from you, but it will also give you the skills you need to love others when the right relationship comes into your life.
