It’s Self Love Sunday. So, grab your favorite beverage, and let’s talk about self-worth … what it is, what the research says about it and how to increase it.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
On this Self Love Sunday episode, we’re talking all about what self-love is and what it is not. Watch to the end because I have a special exercise for you to do! I want to know what you’re learning about self-love and how you are implementing these things into your life. So, leave a comment here!
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to schedule a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
How easy is it for you to answer the question, “Who are you?” We’re in my kitchen today chatting about life. I’ll take you through a short exercise to discover if you have any areas you may want to work on. So, grab a cup of tea (or the beverage of your choice), click the video and let’s talk about self-worth and who you really are.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
I’ve been accused of not having long-lasting relationships. It is true that none of my romantic relationships have worked out yet — not for lack of trying on my part. However, it’s a fact that I haven’t had the opportunity to experience a long-term marriage like my grandparents and others I know who have stayed together and in love for decades. However, we must keep in mind that romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that count.
My best friend and I have been like sisters for three decades. We went to high school and college together and have seen each other through all the ups and downs of life including failed marriages, romantic relationship breakups, the death of our fathers, deaths of grandparents, the birth of her child, graduations, celebrations and everything in between. Being there for another person to love and support them when they need you is developing the skills you need to do it in a romantic relationship. More importantly, the relationship you have with yourself is the longest one you’ll have in your lifetime and the one you should be cultivating on a daily basis. Like I’m always saying in my writing — Learning to love yourself first in a healthy way will benefit all your other relationships. It’s been through this long-term relationship with my best friend that I have learned to not only give and receive unconditional love from another person, but I’ve also learned to cultivate healthy self-love and confidence.
Webster Illustrated Contemporary Dictionary defines love as, “A strong, tender affection, deep devotion; the affection felt by two persons who are sexually attracted to one another; a person who is the object of another’s affection; a very great interest or fondness.” “The Greeks divided love into three elements,” wrote Frank D. Cox in Human Intimacy. “Eros is the physical, sexual side of love. It is needing, desiring and wanting the other person physically … Agape is the altruistic, giving, non-demanding side of love … Agape is an unconditional, affirmation of another person. It is the desire to care, help and give to the loved one. It is unselfish love … Philos is the love found in deep and enduring friendships It is also the kind of love described in the Bible as ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself.’ It can be deep friendship for specific people, or it can be a love that is generalized to all people.”
“Love … is the chief thing in life,” wrote Dr. Wayne Dyer in Your Sacred Self. “It is the essence of the universe. It is the glue that holds everything together. It is the substance of your higher self.”
Obviously, for the purposes of this book, we will not be talking about Eros love, but we will be applying the principles of Agape and Philos love to loving ourselves first. “… the better we know our own attitudes and definitions of love, the better we will become in making long-lasting intimate relationships,” Cox wrote.
When speaking about self-love — also referred to in psychological circles as self-compassion — researchers are finding it is not only the key to positive mental health, but also the key to life. “Though the term ‘self-compassion’ may sound like self-indulgence or may feel like a weakness, it is actually the secret to resilience, strength in the face of failure, the ability to learn from mistakes and to bounce back with greater enthusiasm,” wrote Dr. Emma Seppala. “Self-compassion involves treating oneself as one would a friend, being more mindful, and understanding our situation in the context of a larger human experience. When we can be more understanding and gentler with ourselves, identify less with the emotions that surround our mistakes and understand that failure is a normal part of the larger human experience, we become stronger and more successful in the long run … the state of your life depends on the state of your mind. So be kind to yourself.”
“Studies have shown that perfectionists are at a higher risk of several illnesses — both physical and mental — and that self-compassion might free us from its grip,” wrote Ana Sandoiu for Medical News Today. “Therefore, perfectionism and self-compassion are inextricably linked.”
Kristin Neff, a researcher, author of Self-Compassion and professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin reminds us, “Love, connection and acceptance are your birthright ….”
In his book, The 4:8 Principle, Tommy Newberry wrote, “Self-worth is not based on accomplishments but on the significance you place on your life outside of your performance — on your identity as one created and loved by God. Oddly enough, when you see yourself as worthwhile and valuable outside of any accomplishments, you are better positioned to excel.”
According to Nurturing Parenting, “Our ‘self” is a composite of all the aspects of life that give us an identity … Our self is a picture puzzle made up of thousands of pieces all fitting together to make a picture. Without all the pieces, the picture would be incomplete.” This statement reminds me of a YouTube video my best friend sent me years ago in which a therapist had a box full of puzzle pieces. He dumped them on the table and said, “Is this puzzle broken? No! It just isn’t put together. And you are not broken! You just don’t have all the pieces put together yet.” That statement so profoundly impacted me that I used it in some of my presentations while I was studying Substance Abuse Counseling.
No matter what happens to us in life, we must never forget that we are works in progress. The more we do the internal work on putting together all the pieces of ourselves, the clearer the picture of who we are will become …
If you’ve never been allowed to focus on yourself, then the concepts of self-love and self-worth may sound selfish and foreign. So, let’s look again at what it means. “Self-worth comes from one thing: thinking that you are worthy. So, appreciate what it feels like underneath your own skin. You are amazing just the way you are,” wrote Marc and Angel Hack in their blog.
Here I go sounding like a broken record once again, but this really is an inside job. Once you truly realize that you are in control of your life, destiny and the journey, it becomes an incredible adventure — and much more enjoyable, I might add. “It’s clear that we don’t get healthy self-esteem from other people telling us how great we are. We get healthy self-esteem from behaving in ways that we find worthy of our own respect,” Gretchen Ruben was quoted saying in a meme.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
It’s the week leading up to my birthday and always a time of great reflection for me. We all know that 2020 has been a rough year for all of us — in one way or another — but it has been a year of great joy and fulfillment for me, personally. I’m so grateful for things that have happened this year that have caused me to grow and brought me great joy. One of those things was releasing my latest book The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First. That book literally changed my life because I practice everything I write about … It’s the only way I can live with myself knowing that I’m practicing the two qualities I value most — authenticity and integrity.
In 2018, I was working in a very stressful environment, and my daily theme song was Love by The Sundays. “Love, love, love. Just love yourself like no one else. Love. It’s enough. And they can say what they like, but they still can’t take your love.” I heard the words every day, but they really didn’t sink in until I started doing the research for the book.
People who are in service to self will tell you that loving yourself is selfish. That it’s wrong. Why? They want you to put their wants and needs ahead of your own to aid in their service to themselves. However, I firmly believe that loving yourself (in a healthy way) is the firm foundation needed for every relationship you have in life. When you love and value yourself, you will make decisions out of a place of empowerment and an abundance of love that will be for your highest good. These decisions will also positively impact others around you even if they don’t result in the outcome they want.
As I talk about in The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First, when speaking about self-love — also referred to in psychological circles as self-compassion — researchers are finding it is not only the key to positive mental health, but also the key to life. “Though the term ‘self-compassion’ may sound like self-indulgence or may feel like a weakness, it is actually the secret to resilience, strength in the face of failure, the ability to learn from mistakes and to bounce back with greater enthusiasm,” wrote Dr. Emma Seppala. “Self-compassion involves treating oneself as one would a friend, being more mindful and understanding our situation in the context of a larger human experience. When we can be more understanding and gentler with ourselves, identify less with the emotions that surround our mistakes and understand that failure is a normal part of the larger human experience, we become stronger and more successful in the long run … the state of your life depends on the state of your mind. So, be kind to yourself.”
I believe it’s important to honor yourself every, single day — not just on your birthday, once a year. Wordnik defines honor as, “High respect, as that shown for special merit; recognition or esteem. Great privilege.” When we practice loving and honoring ourselves, we build our self-confidence and begin acting from a place of empowerment and not lack. We learn to go to the kingdom within us to find the answers for ourselves, and we also learn how to honor others around us.
I’ve had to learn not to let anyone take my crown and lure me off my throne — meaning: I have to do what is best for me and not allow others to mistreat me whether it be in friendship relationships, work relationships or romantic relationships. Most wedding vows will have each person promise to “love, honor and cherish” their spouse, but how can you promise such a thing if you haven’t even practiced it on yourself first?
If you’ve never known how to practice honoring yourself or want to learn new techniques, Dr. Margaret Paul, a relationship expert, gave The Huffington Post these suggestions in 2015 that still ring true today:
1. Listen within to your own feelings. Many people easily tune into others’ feelings yet have no idea what they feel. If you ignore a child’s feelings, that child will feel unloved. Ignoring your own feelings has the same result — your inner child feels rejected, abandoned and unloved by you.
2. Be compassionate with your feelings. If you judge your feelings, telling yourself you are wrong for having them, your inner child will feel rejected and abandoned by you. If you are kind, gentle, tender, understanding and accepting of your feelings, your inner child will feel loved by you.
3. Be open to learning about what your feelings are telling you. Just as an actual child feels loved when you are compassionately interested in why he or she is hurting, your inner child will feel loved when you explore what your feelings are telling you. All feelings are informational. Just as physical pain alerts you to a problem that needs attention, so does emotional pain. Painful feelings are telling you that you are abandoning yourself, that someone is being unloving to you — or to themselves or to others — or that a situation is not good for you. Compassionately attending to your feelings, learning what they are telling you and then taking action to remedy the situation will make you feel loved.
4. Create a solid connection with a spiritual source of love, wisdom and comfort. Love is not a feeling we generate from our mind. It comes from the heart when our heart is open to our source of love. When you open to learning with your higher power about loving yourself and others, love flows into your heart and you feel loved.
5. Choose to be around loving people. We don’t always have a choice — such as in work relationships — but when we do have a choice — such as in personal relationships — choosing to be around caring, supportive and accepting people will make you feel loved. If, when you have a choice, you consistently engage with unkind, judgmental or abusive people, the message you are sending to yourself is that you are not worth loving.
6. Take loving actions for yourself around others. When you are around someone who is being unkind, speak up for yourself letting the person know that you don’t like being treated that way. Then, either be open to learning about what is going on [with the other person], or lovingly disengage from the interaction. Allowing others to treat you badly sends a message to your inner child that he or she is not worth loving.
7. Take care of your body, your time, your space and your finances. You will feel loved and lovable when you feed yourself healthy food and get exercise and sleep. When you ignore your health, you are giving yourself the message that you are not worth loving. When you respect your own and others’ time and space, you are letting yourself know that you are worth it. When you overspend, putting yourself in unnecessary debt, you are not taking loving care of yourself, and your inner child will feel scared, alone and unloved. Just as an actual child needs to feel safe regarding the necessities of life, your inner child needs to feel the same way.
8. Find work you love. Since work takes up a big part of your day, finding or creating work that fulfills you is vitally important. If you continue to force yourself to stay at jobs you hate, the message to yourself is that you are not worth doing whatever it is you need to do to create a fulfilling work life.
9. Create balance. We need balance in our life to feel loved and lovable. We need time to work and time to rest and rejuvenate. We also need time to nurture our body and soul through activities that bring us joy.
Loving yourself and practicing these loving actions will not only help you get healthy self-esteem that no one can take away from you, but it will also give you the skills you need to love others when the right relationship comes into your life.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations.
I’ve been talking about it for months, and now it’s finally here! The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First is now available in eBook and paperback formats (hardback coming soon) through Amazon.com, ThePrincessGuide.com and online booksellers.
While all my books have a special place in my heart, I’m really excited about The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First because it has been a game changer in my own life, and I know it can be in every reader’s life, as well! I always do everything I write about (authenticity and integrity mean everything to me), but the change in my confidence and attitude is so off the charts that I’m noticing the change — in addition to others pointing it out … And it’s a really good thing!
Are you looking for a way to strengthen the relationships you have in your life? Would you like to learn how to love yourself more and increase your self-confidence? Loving yourself is the most important key to happiness in life and relationships. This book will help you break out of the programming that tells you that other people’s love and acceptance is more important than your own. Changing your thinking about self-love will give you freedom and the fortitude to no longer allow others to control you by making you preform to their desired wishes through the threats of taking their love away. When your source of love comes from within, you are no longer needy for the love of others, and you can have more accurate judgment on whom you allow into your life. I will guide you through this process so that you can not only love yourself in a healthy way, but so that you can also more adequately love others. Putting self-love into action is a game changer and will transform your life and relationships.
I’m also offering a 12-week Loving Yourself First coaching package where I work one-on-one guiding clients through the process. To celebrate the release of the book, that coaching package is being offered at 50 percent off for a limited time.
Everyone who purchases the book can be entered into a drawing to get a free 30-minute coaching/counseling session with me. Drawings will take place on July 12 & 26, 2020. To enter, simply take a photo of yourself with the cover of the paperback or eBook, post to social media and tag me (Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn: @SeneeSeale; Facebook: @ThePrincessGuide), or email a copy of your receipt to PrincessGuide@BecomingPublishing.com.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the website today!
Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to talk about the most important kind of love — self-love. As I’ve been writing my upcoming book “The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First,” I’ve been on my own self-love journey. What I’ve found is that when I’m practicing healthy self-love, I have love to give others, and I’m not needy for love from others … I’ve learned the hard way that kind of desperation can get you into a lot of trouble and unnecessary heartbreak. So, let’s flashback to October 2018 …
It’s my birthday week, and I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately —
not the kind of external love we automatically think about, although that’s
been on my mind too — I’m talking about the internal love no one can take
away from us.
In our modern-day culture, we tend to think that the only love that counts
is the external love from another person typically in a romantic setting.
There’s an old song with the lyrics, “You’re nobody until somebody loves
you.” I must disagree with this statement. We come from pure love. We are
loved greatly by the Creator of All. We have ancestors and spiritual relatives
who love and protect us, even though we may not see or encounter them in this
realm of existence.
I spent an entire chapter of The
Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Hearttalking about loving
yourself, but it hasn’t been until recent weeks that I’m starting to realize
what that really looks like.
The last line of John Mayer’s song New Light poses the question,
“What do I do with all this love flowing through my veins for you?” I
dare say, once again, that you give all that love back to yourself until you
have someone in your life to give that love to who will love you back. That
last part is very important because if you aren’t receiving love back from a
person, you’re in an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship.
Lately, I’ve been listening daily to The Sundays song Love. The
lyrics are profound and have really redirected my thinking about self-love.
So, killing me with love, love, love just love yourself like no one else. Love, it’s enough. So, they can say what they like, but they still can’t take Your love, your love, your love just love yourself like nobody else. Time’s so scarce where I come from Let them say what they like, but they still can’t take your love.
When we finally realize who we are, that we ARE love and are deeply loved,
no one can take that away from us. Will there be times when we feel lonely and
unloved? Of course! I can’t tell you how many birthdays (including the last
three and probably this upcoming one) and holidays I’ve spent totally alone.
I’ve learned a very valuable lesson, though … When I’m alone on special days,
I can spend them doing anything I want to do! I don’t have anyone telling me
I’m not worthy of celebrating or that I want too much. I can spend as much or
as little money on myself and feel very good about it because I don’t have
anyone dictating to me my worth.
So, how do you show love to yourself? You do exactly what I explain in the
book … You talk to yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful,
handsome, talented, honorable, worthy and lovable. I’ve never had a problem
looking at myself naked in the mirror — even when I weighed my
largest — but It’s taken me decades to finally look in that mirror and see
a divine, pretty princess who is beautiful on the inside and outside. I
actually see her now, and I’m so grateful that I got to spend this existence in
a beautiful, healthy body. Am I perfect? I’m still breathing, so the answer is no.
However, I’m learning to appreciate all that I am and all that I have while not
dwelling on all those who have walked away from me or those who terrorized me
while they were in my life. I see the good in the now, and the present moment
really is the gift.
I used to think that the only way a gift mattered was if it was given by
someone I loved. I now realize that giving gifts to myself in love is just as
important, and they come with no strings or expectations attached.
If you long for someone to give you your favorite flowers, go buy some for
yourself or plant them in a pot so that you can have them near you all year
long. If you dream of dancing with someone, enroll in dancing classes at a
local studio and let them pair you up with someone while you’re waiting on the
right person to show up in your life. If you love sports and want a partner to
watch games with you, join a Meetup group for sports fans, attend college
alumni watching parties or go to a local sports bar and make friends. If you
love live music, go see a show by yourself — It hasn’t happened in a long time,
but I have seriously had some great fun when I ended up going out all by myself.
Don’t sit around waiting and wishing for things to change … Do things now
that make you happy and show positive love for yourself.
Recently, I was not feeling well, and I was really wishing my Granny were
still alive so that I could curl up in her lap and let her rock me in her
rocking chair. I found myself sitting in my own rocking chair. I wrapped my
arms around myself, began rocking and I said what I would tell any sick little
child I was rocking, “I know you feel really bad right now, but you’re
going to be alright. Your body is magnificent and will repair and heal itself. You
just need to close your eyes, fall asleep and let your body do its work.”
That’s exactly what I needed in that moment, and it was fascinating and
wonderful that I was able to give myself what I was longing to receive from
someone externally.
In case you’re wondering if what I’m explaining is being “full of
yourself” or Narcissistic, the answer is no. (I write
extensively about this in the upcoming book “The Princess Guide to Loving
Yourself First,”) I was talking about this subject with a therapist friend
of mine, and she seemed to agree with my distinction between healthy self-love
and someone who is ego-driven or who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(NPD). I believe that people with highly inflated egos and NPD exude negative
energy, while people with positive self-love, genuinely love themselves and
exude that positive love to everyone around them.
When you learn to treat yourself with true love and respect, you won’t allow
others to mistreat you … That’s a promise from a princess! 🙂
You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the website today!
It’s my birthday week. Nearly two decades ago, I bought my first tiara. The lady in the store told me it was a good time because they always stock up on them for the little girls at Halloween. I was buying it to wear on my birthday in October. Ever since, I have worn one on my birthday and any time I’m feeling less than royal to remind myself of who I truly am—a princess of high, royal, moral character and integrity. Of course, I also wear one when I’m doing an appearance or book signing for The Princess Guide. When I’m in a mood to not be as easily recognized, I wear my crown ring as a reminder.
Facebook meme, unknown author
I’ve shared this story before, but in case you haven’t
read it, let me tell it again because it’s very appropriate here.
My whole life, I’ve had children point at me and call
me a princess or Princess Barbie. Strangers have called me a princess and a
Southern Belle. It’s happened a lot, but I didn’t put the pieces together until
a few years ago.
One landmark day in 2016, I was driving in my car on
the interstate, but it was as if I was in a trance. I vaguely remember driving,
but what I do remember are the words that were being downloaded to me the whole
time. The information translated to me informed me that I was a princess from
another dimension before I came to this earth, and that I was deeply loved and
cared for there. I had servants to help me and do things for me, but they did
it not because they had to, but because they wanted to—because they loved me. I
was informed that I wanted to know what it was like to be a peasant, so I came
here to experience this, but also to overcome it and help other people. I was
told that being in this life doesn’t change who I really am—it’s like being on
vacation; who you are doesn’t change because your location changes.
I’ve had many downloads in the last year that have
made a little more sense of this information, and I’ve come to understand that
being here is basically going to college incognito. (That explains why it’s
been so hard to get my messages out into the world because I’m a nobody here.)
I’m hear to learn before I go home to start my career (after I pass on to the
next density).
I’ve had a hard time accepting all this information.
I’ve been so mistreated in this life by the very people who were supposed to
love and cherish me the most. I was really afraid to tell anyone about this
experience. However, the few people I did tell this story to all said basically
the same thing, “Duh! Tell me something I don’t know!” My trusted advisor said,
“Of course you are! You’re a daughter of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and
the Most High God!” I’ve heard that my whole life, but it didn’t start
resonating with me until a few years ago.
In his book Letting Go, Dr. David Hawkins shed
some light into this matter, “As a general rule, therefore, people who are
carrying the consciousness of apathy bring poverty circumstances into their
lives, and those with a prosperity consciousness bring abundance into their
lives.”
This is the time of year that I evaluate what has
happened in the past 12 months, and I set goals for the future. This has been a
very hard year for me—in terms of owning my power in the workplace and calling
my own shots in my career. It may be scary, but you always have a choice and
can make changes when something isn’t working in your life (see No. 5 & 6
below). I did that this year and got back on my path to purpose. It hasn’t been
easy, but I’ve experienced more peace, excitement and passion in what I’m doing
in my own business.
I’ve had to learn not to let anyone take my crown and
lure me off my throne—meaning: I have to do what is best for me and not allow
others to mistreat me whether it be in friendship relationships, work
relationships or romantic relationships.
So, what things can you do to honor yourself?
Relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul gave the Huffington Post these
suggestions in 2015 that still ring true today:
1. Listen within to your own feelings. Many people easily tune into others’ feelings yet have no idea what they feel. If you ignore a child’s feelings, that child will feel unloved. Ignoring your own feelings has the same result — your inner child feels rejected, abandoned and unloved by you.
2. Be compassionate with your feelings.
If you judge your feelings, telling yourself you are wrong for having them,
your inner child will feel rejected and abandoned by you. If you are kind,
gentle, tender, understanding and accepting of your feelings, your inner child
will feel loved by you.
3. Be open to learning about what your
feelings are telling you. Just as an actual child feels loved
when you are compassionately interested in why he or she is hurting, your inner
child will feel loved when you explore what your feelings are telling you. All
feelings are informational. Just as physical pain alerts you to a problem that
needs attention, so does emotional pain. Painful feelings are telling you that
you are abandoning yourself, or that someone is being unloving to you, or to
themselves or to others, or that a situation is not good for you.
Compassionately attending to your feelings, learning what they are telling you,
and then taking action to remedy the situation, will make you feel loved.
4. Create a solid connection with a
spiritual source of love, wisdom and comfort. Love is not a
feeling we generate from our mind. It comes from the heart when our heart is
open to our source of love. When you open to learning with your higher power
about loving yourself and others, love flows into your heart and you feel
loved.
5. Choose to be around loving people.
We don’t always have a choice — such as in work relationships — but when we do
have a choice — such as in personal relationships — choosing to be around
caring, supportive and accepting people will make you feel loved. If, when you
have a choice, you consistently engage with unkind, judgmental or abusive
people, the message you are sending to yourself is that you are not worth
loving.
6. Take loving actions for yourself around
others. When you are around someone who is being unkind,
speak up for yourself, letting the person know that you don’t like being
treated that way, and then either open to learning about what is going on, or
lovingly disengage from the interaction. Allowing others to treat you badly
sends a message to your inner child that he or she is not worth loving.
7. Take care of your body, your time, your
space and your finances. You will feel loved and lovable when
you feed yourself healthy food, and get exercise and sleep. When you ignore
your health, you are giving yourself the message that you are not worth loving.
When you respect your own and others’ time and space, you are letting yourself
know that you are worth it. When you overspend, putting yourself in unnecessary
debt, you are not taking loving care of yourself, and your inner child will
feel scared, alone and unloved. Just as an actual child needs to feel safe
regarding the necessities of life, your inner child needs to feel the same way.
8. Find work you love.
Since work takes up a big part of your day, finding or creating work that
fulfills you is vitally important. If you continue to force yourself to stay at
jobs you hate, the message to yourself is that you are not worth doing whatever
it is you need to do to create a fulfilling work life.
9. Create balance.
We need balance in our life to feel loved and lovable. We need time to work and
time to rest and rejuvenate. We also need time to nurture our body and soul
through activities that bring us joy.
Loving yourself and practicing those loving actions will not only help you get healthy self-esteem that no one can take away from you, but it will also give you the skills you need to love others when the right relationship comes into your life.
As the Summer winds down, many of you have fallen in love and
had the time of your lives. I haven’t had a Summer romance in seven years, but
I’ve had a couple of encounters this Summer that have reinforced my primary
love affair.
I went on vacation early in the Summer to visit my best friend
in Los Angeles. It was surprisingly cold there, and my plans to spend the week on
the beach were interrupted. My cute wardrobe also had to be altered — meaning
it was so cold I had to wear the only warm thing I brought with me which was a
black zip-up hoodie.
We decided to go to dinner one night after my best friend got
off work. I was wearing printed leggings, a sleeveless top and the hoodie with
my hair in a ponytail. I was dressed fine for dinner, but I didn’t know we
would be going out afterward.
Not caring, I stepped out of the Uber. Before I could take two
steps onto the sidewalk, a cute guy (I thought he looked like a young Joaquin
Phoenix, but my best friend said he looked like a young Tom Cruise) came
running toward me yelling, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”
I was thinking, “What have I done now? I literally just stepped
out of the Uber and onto the sidewalk … I couldn’t have done anything yet!”
When he got right in front of me, he said, “Oh, my God! I saw
your eyes half a block away! You are so beautiful!”
I smiled and said, “Thank you so much! That’s so nice of you
to say!”
He went on to ask me my name, and when I told him he said, “Oh,
my God! You’re beautiful and have a pretty name!”
It reminded me of Deuteronomy 28:2 (CSB), “All these blessings
will come and overtake you” — basically chase you down and shower you will blessings,
or compliments in this case.
We didn’t get to talk much because a girl in his group pulled him
and his friend away. When I told my best friend that we didn’t even know his
name she said, “Oh, yes we do! It’s Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” (She’s a former actress
and reenacts the story so much better than I do.)
Just a week ago, I was having dinner alone in a restaurant. I
was enjoying my salad and absorbed with solving the problems of my kingdom
inside my head. With a mouth full of salad, I heard a voice say, “Excuse me.” I
looked up to see an athletic guy standing at my table. He said, “In case no one
has told you today, you look very beautiful!” Covering my full mouth, I mumbled,
“Thank you!”
Once again, I was not dressed up or looking my absolute best,
at all — I had just spent the day taking care of some projects at home and was
on my way to the grocery store after I fed myself. I did not feel beautiful in
any way, but I needed to be reminded of my true nature.
When you have healthy self-love/self-esteem, you don’t need
outside validation. However, it’s always nice and makes you feel good.
Especially so, when those kind words of affirmation come from someone you truly
love.
If you’re in a marriage or committed relationship, it’s always
a good idea to let your loved one know how much you care for them. Like they
say, flowers are meant to be enjoyed by the living, not the dead — meaning don’t
wait until someone dies to send them flowers or tell them how much they mean to
you.
Whether you’re in a relationship or alone, it’s important to
show that love and admiration to yourself. I look in the mirror every day and
tell myself that I’m beautiful — inside and out. I show gratitude for all the
things I have internally and externally.
Seeking validation from outside ourselves is dangerous. I’ve
learned this truth the hard way.
Melody Beattie explains it in her book The Language of
Letting Go:
Most of us want the approval of others … In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves. We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that’s the only approval that counts.
It’s been my experience that when I truly practice self-love,
the validation I get from others is nice and very much appreciated. However, I
don’t go chasing after it or doing things to get attention because I already
have it from myself.
How are you keeping your Summer romance alive for the rest of the year?
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