To celebrate Love Month, I’m sharing excerpts from my book The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship with someone or alone wishing to be in one, having healthy self-love is very important.
In 2018, during my birthday week, I was thinking a lot about love — not the kind of external love we automatically think about (although that was on my mind, too). I was thinking about the internal love no one can take away from you. In our modern-day culture, we tend to think that the only love that counts is the external love from another person, typically found in a romantic relationship. There’s an old song with the lyrics, “You’re nobody until somebody loves you.” I must disagree with this statement. We come from pure love. We are loved greatly by the creator of all. We have spiritual beings who love and protect us, even though we may never see or encounter them in this realm of existence.
I spent an entire chapter of The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart talking about loving yourself, but it wasn’t until late 2018 that I started to realize what that really looked like. The last line of John Mayer’s song New Light poses the question, “What do I do with all this love flowing through my veins for you?” I dare say, once again, that you give all that love back to yourself until you have someone in your life to give that love to who will love you back. That last part is very important because if you aren’t receiving love back from a person, you’re in an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship.
During that time, I was listening daily to The Sundays song Love. The lyrics are profound and really redirected my thinking about self-love. “So, killing me with love, love, love. Just love yourself like no one else. Love, it’s enough. So, they can say what they like, but they still can’t take; Your love, your love, your love. Just love yourself like nobody else. Time’s so scarce where I come from; Let them say what they like, but they still can’t take your love.”
When we finally realize who we are — that we are love and are deeply loved — no one can take that away from us. Will there be times when we feel lonely and unloved? Of course. I can’t tell you how many birthdays and holidays I’ve spent totally alone. I’ve learned a very valuable lesson, though — When I’m alone on special days, I can spend them doing anything I want to do. I don’t have anyone telling me I’m not worthy of celebrating my existence or accomplishments or that I want too much. I can spend as much or as little money on myself and feel very good about it because I don’t have anyone dictating to me my worth.
So, how do you show love to yourself? You start by talking to yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you’re beautiful, handsome, talented, honorable, worthy, kind, and lovable.
I’ve never had a problem looking at myself naked in the mirror — even when I weighed my largest — but It’s taken me decades to finally look in that mirror and see a divine, pretty princess who is beautiful on the inside and outside. I actually see her now, and I’m so grateful that I got to spend this existence in a beautiful, healthy body. Am I perfect? I’m still breathing, so the answer is no. However, I’m learning to appreciate all that I am and all that I have while not dwelling on all those who have walked away from me or those who terrorized me while they were in my life. I see the good in the now, and the present moment really is the gift.
I used to think that the only way a gift mattered was if it was given by someone I loved. I now realize that giving gifts to myself in love is just as important, and it comes with no strings or expectations attached. If you long for someone to give you your favorite flowers, go buy some for yourself or plant them in a pot so that you can have them near you most of the year. If you dream of dancing with someone, enroll in dancing classes at a local studio, and let them pair you up with someone while you’re waiting on the right person to show up in your life. If you love sports and want a partner to watch games with you, join a Meetup group for sports fans, attend college alumni watching parties or go to a local sports bar and make friends. If you love live music, go see a show by yourself — I haven’t done it very often, but I have seriously had some of my best times when I ended up going out all by myself. Don’t sit around waiting and wishing for things to change … Do things now that make you happy and show positive love for yourself.
I got a little under the weather in 2018, and I was really wishing my Granny was still alive so that I could curl up in her lap and let her rock me in her rocking chair. I found myself sitting in my own rocking chair. I wrapped my arms around myself, began rocking and I said what I would tell any sick little child I was rocking, “I know you feel really bad right now, but you’re going to be alright. Your body is magnificent and will repair and heal itself. You just need to close your eyes, fall asleep and let your body do its work.” That’s exactly what I needed in that moment, and it was fascinating and wonderful that I was able to give myself what I was longing to receive from someone externally.
In case you’re wondering if what I’m explaining is being “full of yourself” or Narcissistic, the answer is no. I defined these terms in Chapter 1. I was talking about this subject with a therapist friend of mine, and she seemed to agree with my distinction between healthy self-love and someone who is ego-driven or who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I believe that people who act in these ways exude negative energy, while people with positive self-love genuinely love themselves and radiate that positive love to everyone around them. When you learn to treat yourself with true love and respect, you won’t allow others to mistreat you. That’s a promise from a princess.
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
