It’s Valentine’s week, and I know some of you are feeling the love while others of you are down in the dumps. Trust me when I say that I can relate — mostly to the last scenario.
I had single friends in 2014 who started showcasing their hatred for the Valentine’s Day holiday on social media a week in advance. I didn’t think they hated the day as much as they hated being alone on the day and not getting to participate like everyone else. I have felt the same way for most of my life. I was thinking the other day about it, and even having been married twice, I’ve only celebrated Valentine’s Day with a man 7 out of 48 times … That isn’t even 20%, y’all. I have felt like I was standing at a window watching everyone else being happy and having fun while I was not allowed to join the party.
I dated a guy once who told me early on that he didn’t like Valentine’s Day nor did he participate. I’m not stupid and knew he was just using that as an excuse to not do something for me. I wish I would have listened to myself and left then and there, but I stuck around to see how cruel he could really be.
After spending most of my life not getting any attention and watching everyone else get flowers and candy at school, work and the college dorms, it’s important to me to have those things now — no matter how silly it may seem to others. Most women would probably agree with me, if they were really being honest with themselves.
Apparently, Mr. Wrong wasn’t alone in how he felt. ABC News reported in 2007 that a Yahoo! survey found people go “crazy” (my word) between the December holidays and Valentine’s Day and were more than twice as likely to consider breaking up with the person they were seeing. A reason why wasn’t given.
In 2020, AskMen.com reported on a survey conducted about love day. “The experts at eMediHealth surveyed an even split of 2,200 men and women to find out exactly what each expects from their partners this Valentine’s Day. The survey also uncovered just how ‘lonely’ single folks are when the romantic holiday rolls around, and the outcome is somewhat surprising.” The survey found that 55% of men and women were neutral (didn’t care) about being alone on V-day while 22.5% felt a little sad about not participating.
Researcher Gunny Scarfo writing for Fox News in 2019 shared the findings of her research, and it doesn’t necessarily align with the findings from the eMediHealth survey. “Unfortunately, according to a survey of 692 people across the country and dozens of interviews my research partner and I conducted last year, many Americans feel isolated — surrounded by people in their lives but feeling that no one truly sees them … By the numbers, our findings are chilling,” she wrote.
“Nearly 45% of Americans reported dreaming of deep emotional connections with others, only to wake up with nobody in their real lives with whom to share those kinds of connections. Almost 30% report that they are unsatisfied with their ability to open up to people they enjoy being around,” she shared. Sadder still, 8% of respondents reported that they do not have a single close friend.
I have conversations with men online all the time, and these numbers sound about right to me. We’re all just broken people, and I believe the COVID-19 lockdown has exacerbated any and all mental health and psychological issues people have. I’ve seen many people self-medicating loneliness with alcohol and isolation. While substance use is a short-term fix to help you forget, in the long-term it creates avoidance and doesn’t solve the problem. As I’m always writing about, going to the kingdom within and doing the internal work is the only positive solution.
If you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone this year, I will reiterate what I posted last week from my bookThe Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First: “I used to think that the only way a gift mattered was if it was given by someone I loved. I now realize that giving gifts to myself in love is just as important, and it comes with no strings or expectations attached. If you long for someone to give you your favorite flowers, go buy some for yourself or plant them in a pot so that you can have them near you most of the year … Do things now that make you happy and show positive love for yourself.”
Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
