Tag: Valentine’s Day

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Being alone on Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s week, and I know some of you are feeling the love while others of you are down in the dumps. Trust me when I say that I can relate — mostly to the last scenario.

Senee Seale The Princess Guide

I had single friends in 2014 who started showcasing their hatred for the Valentine’s Day holiday on social media a week in advance. I didn’t think they hated the day as much as they hated being alone on the day and not getting to participate like everyone else. I have felt the same way for most of my life. I was thinking the other day about it, and even having been married twice, I’ve only celebrated Valentine’s Day with a man 7 out of 48 times … That isn’t even 20%, y’all. I have felt like I was standing at a window watching everyone else being happy and having fun while I was not allowed to join the party.

I dated a guy once who told me early on that he didn’t like Valentine’s Day nor did he participate. I’m not stupid and knew he was just using that as an excuse to not do something for me. I wish I would have listened to myself and left then and there, but I stuck around to see how cruel he could really be.

After spending most of my life not getting any attention and watching everyone else get flowers and candy at school, work and the college dorms, it’s important to me to have those things now — no matter how silly it may seem to others. Most women would probably agree with me, if they were really being honest with themselves.

Apparently, Mr. Wrong wasn’t alone in how he felt. ABC News reported in 2007 that a Yahoo! survey found people go “crazy” (my word) between the December holidays and Valentine’s Day and were more than twice as likely to consider breaking up with the person they were seeing. A reason why wasn’t given.

In 2020, AskMen.com reported on a survey conducted about love day. “The experts at eMediHealth surveyed an even split of 2,200 men and women to find out exactly what each expects from their partners this Valentine’s Day. The survey also uncovered just how ‘lonely’ single folks are when the romantic holiday rolls around, and the outcome is somewhat surprising.” The survey found that 55% of men and women were neutral (didn’t care) about being alone on V-day while 22.5% felt a little sad about not participating.

Researcher Gunny Scarfo writing for Fox News in 2019 shared the findings of her research, and it doesn’t necessarily align with the findings from the eMediHealth survey. “Unfortunately, according to a survey of 692 people across the country and dozens of interviews my research partner and I conducted last year, many Americans feel isolated — surrounded by people in their lives but feeling that no one truly sees them … By the numbers, our findings are chilling,” she wrote.

“Nearly 45% of Americans reported dreaming of deep emotional connections with others, only to wake up with nobody in their real lives with whom to share those kinds of connections. Almost 30% report that they are unsatisfied with their ability to open up to people they enjoy being around,” she shared. Sadder still, 8% of respondents reported that they do not have a single close friend.

I have conversations with men online all the time, and these numbers sound about right to me. We’re all just broken people, and I believe the COVID-19 lockdown has exacerbated any and all mental health and psychological issues people have. I’ve seen many people self-medicating loneliness with alcohol and isolation. While substance use is a short-term fix to help you forget, in the long-term it creates avoidance and doesn’t solve the problem. As I’m always writing about, going to the kingdom within and doing the internal work is the only positive solution.

If you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone this year, I will reiterate what I posted last week from my bookThe Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First: “I used to think that the only way a gift mattered was if it was given by someone I loved. I now realize that giving gifts to myself in love is just as important, and it comes with no strings or expectations attached. If you long for someone to give you your favorite flowers, go buy some for yourself or plant them in a pot so that you can have them near you most of the year … Do things now that make you happy and show positive love for yourself.”

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives and relationships. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to work directly with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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How to show your love for someone

As I wrote about last week, I haven’t really been in the mood for Valentine’s Day this year, but I’m always thinking (and writing) about love and relationships.

We show our love to people by the words we speak and gifts we give. These things are very important and shouldn’t be neglected or avoided — when we refuse to give people gifts they like or affirm them by our words, we tell them by our actions that they don’t matter to us.

Just as important are the things we DO. Our actions are what will be remembered most.

My best friend’s dad passed away unexpectedly recently. When I told her I would do anything she needed, I meant it. When she asked if I would read his favorite poem at his funeral, I immediately said yes, even though I have vision issues and haven’t read anything out loud to another person (much less a chapel full of people) in years.

I would have felt more comfortable singing or speaking than reading, but that’s what I was asked to do. Where there’s a will, there’s always a way! The family was pleased and said it made them cry. I just wanted to show my love by honoring them and not embarrassing them.

How do we know the difference between real love and the fake stuff? Real love is selfless and unconditional … It doesn’t look for something in return.

My grandpa was really great at modeling real love daily. I was riding my bike one day when I was about 12. I was standing up on the peddles, and my back wheel hit a pothole. The seat hit me in the behind, and I was instantly in pain and bruised. (I later found out I had broken my tail bone.) The next thing I knew, my Pa-Paw was down the street in 105 degrees filling up that pothole. He said he didn’t want me to be hurt again–Now, that’s real love!

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” -Ephesians 5:1-2 MSG

How can you step out of your comfort zone this week to show your love to someone?

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know more about the healing and transformation process, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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How to heal a Valentine’s Day broken heart

I was grocery shopping the other day, and I was slapped in the face with Valentine’s Day items when I walked in every store … OK, so I wasn’t literally hit with the items, but it sure felt like it emotionally. My first thought (as I quickly got away from all of it) was, “Can’t we just skip Valentines this year?” Have you ever felt like that?

Now, I’m not as bad as the group of friends in the movie Valentine’s Day who gathered for the anti-Valentines party getting all their aggression and hurt feelings out by pounding a heart-shaped pinata with a baseball bat. I actually like celebrating the holiday, but the only time I’ve actually gotten to celebrate was when I was married. Seriously, when I was in the dating scene, guys would literally disappear during Christmas and Valentines then magically reappear like nothing ever happened. Something happened alright — my worth was attacked! By their actions, I was told that I wasn’t worth buying flowers or dinner for.

The truth is this: at some point in your life you have to learn to love yourself and do the things for yourself that you wish others would do for you.

If you have a Valentine’s Day broken heart, or are just alone and trying to figure out what you could do differently to have healthier relationships, now is the perfect time to learn new behaviors and make positive changes. The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart is a great tool to help you do just that. Whether you’ve been heart from romantic relationships, family relationships, friend relationships, etc., this book can help you transform and heal yourself.

I discovered some really insightful things when researching and writing this book, the first one is that being alone is not a death sentence, nor is it something of which to fear.

In a 2016 New York Times OpEd piece on why people marry the wrong person, Book Author Alain de Botton gave some profound insight into loneliness and how it can cause us to make wrong decisions. “We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely,” she explained. “No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be wholly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to be appropriately picky; otherwise, we risk loving no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us that fate.”

Another insight I gained during my research was that you really have to learn how to love yourself. I know some people who it seems to come naturally for them. I credit that to good parenting, but not all of us are so lucky. We have to work daily on knowing and loving ourselves. If we aren’t our biggest cheerleader and promoter, who else is going to be?

Let’s face it, people are human beings and they don’t always treat us the way they should. We have no control over their actions, but we can love and support ourselves first, then allow our significant others to be the icing on top.

If you’re having trouble getting started on the self-love thing, here are some ideas from The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart:

One way to change your focus is to use affirmations. Reading these every day will begin to reprogram your brain and replace the negative tapes with positive ones. Life Coach Che Garman offers these suggestions to focus on daily:

  • “I allow love to find me easily and effortlessly.
  • I am cherished and valued.
  • I am loving and compassionate to myself and others.
  • I am surrounded by people who love me.
  • I am totally lovable, just the way I am.
  • I am willing to love myself unconditionally.
  • I am worthy of love, just as everyone else is.
  • I love the negative people in my life, and let them go on their way.
  • I radiate love and happiness wherever I go.
  • I receive all the love I need to feel cherished and appreciated.
  • Love and peace surrounds my life at all times.
  • My love life just keeps getting better and better.
  • My thoughts are always loving and truthful.
  • My true love is on his way to me.”

While reading these statements may feel strange, and it may even feel “wrong” to say these things out loud, you need to speak them into the atmosphere so that your ears can hear them and your brain can process them. The Bible tells us to call those things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). While it may feel like a lie or fake at first, the more you practice saying these things out loud to yourself, the sooner your heart and mind will change.

My hope for you is that you feel the love you long for. I believe that if you begin giving it to yourself first, you will attract it from others and you will be able to fully receive it and reciprocate it.

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know more about the healing and transformation process, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.