Tag: happiness

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How to be happy NOW

I’m going to warn you upfront that this is a longer post than usual. However, I would be remiss and doing you a disservice if I didn’t fully cover this topic.

Senee Seale The Princess Guide

Songs and movies have been written about being happy, but most of them don’t really tell you how to manifest it. Love and happiness go together like a horse and carriage, and being happy is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

Do you ever feel like you’re watching life pass you by? Like everyone around you is living in a different existence than you? I totally get it. I’ve been there. I understand exactly how you feel. I also know there’s a way to change those feelings to resonate on a higher, more hopeful level so that you can manifest the things you really want in life — including happiness.

In 2019 during my birthday month, I started working on a book about how to be happy. It was put on the backburner, though, when I started writing The Princess Guide to Gratitude and The Princess Guide to Loving Yourself First. This topic has been heavily on my mind recently. So, we’re talking about it today.

With the events of 2020 and 2021 sill causing many of us to reel every day, it can be hard to feel happy about our lives or what’s happening around us. However, we are in control of how we feel and what we think, and we can turn our frowns upside down.

I’ve written and talked about it for years … You are powerful enough to control your own mind, focus your thinking and manifest anything you really want, but it all starts in your head.

We have to be diligent and consistent about what we allow ourselves to ponder. Like a friend just recently told me, “Don’t let that info into your pretty head, queen!” We have to monitor what we allow ourselves to see and hear — that includes social media, TV, newscasts, podcasts, movies and music. It could also include sporting events. If it causes you to feel negative emotions of any kind, turn it off.

Now, don’t just take my word for it. Let me show you scientific proof of what I’m talking about and take you through an exercise to help you put what you’re about to learn into practice.

The science on social media

You have to remember that everything you see on social media is probably not what it appears. In 2016, I had coffee with a close friend from college over Easter weekend, and she told me she had given up social media for lent. She said she was feeling so low looking at how everyone else she knew having such a better life than her. My response was, “What are you talking about? You have such a beautiful family, marriage, home and life!” She said, “There’s always someone who has more than you.”

Studies have shown that the majority of people on Facebook are lying about their lives. I’ve noticed that the ones who post photos and declarations about how wonderful their life, love life, marriage, family, children, job, house/cars/possessions are, those are the very people that things are either not-so-good or they are about to be not-so-good. I believe most people want to show their best selves, but they are deceiving others and themselves in the process.

A report released around 2017 by the United Kingdom’s Royal Society for Public Health combined previously published research on the health impacts of social media with its own UK-wide survey of nearly 1,500 14- to 24-year-olds.

“Instagram easily makes girls and women feel as if their bodies aren’t good enough as people add filters and edit their pictures in order for them to look ‘perfect,’” one research participant said.

My best friend (who works in the entertainment industry) has said to me many times over the years, “Senée, don’t compare someone else’s sizzle reel to your raw footage.” Meaning — don’t look at people online showing themselves looking their best and appearing to be living their best lives and compare that to your lowest times in life. It really makes sense, if you think about it … You can’t compare a baby’s first steps to an Olympic gold medal track runner’s winning record. The two just aren’t comparable.

U.C. San Diego and Yale researchers conducted a two-year study of 5,208 adults monitoring their Facebook use and found that being social online is not the same as being social in real life … I know, that has been harder to do in the last couple of years with all the lockdowns we’ve endured, but the negative physical health results from social media use is worth paying attention to.

“Overall, our results showed that, while real-world social networks were positively associated with overall well-being, the use of Facebook was negatively associated with overall well-being,” the researchers wrote in a Harvard Business Review article. “These results were particularly strong for mental health; most measures of Facebook use in one year predicted a decrease in mental health in a later year.”

So, if we’re following the science, then we need to be spending time, in-person with loved ones and those who make us feel positively. Let’s face it … You can’t hug someone through a screen. Human touch is powerful and healing.

Studies show that human touch is healing and vital. I remember reading one study when I was earning my Psychology degree that showed babies who weren’t touched died.

You probably know that I only like concentrating on the words of Christ in the Bible. However, this research coincides with what Paul said in Hebrews 10:25, “Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.”

Defining happiness

Sometimes, we get so bogged down in our circumstances that we don’t even remember what it feels like to be happy nor can we define it. So, let’s take a look at what happiness and joy mean.

Merriam-Webster defines happiness as “the state of being happy; an experience that makes you happy.” Theopedia defines joy as, “a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence and hope.”

Find your happy place
Senee Seale The Princess Guide

There was a time in my life when I couldn’t remember what it felt like to be happy or even have fun. I was living in another state and preparing to come home to Dallas for a visit when a pastor told me that I needed to go and have fun. I looked at him with a blank stare and said, “I don’t even know how to do that anymore!” He suggested that I go to all the places that I loved going to in the past. I did just that … I went to one of my favorite coffee shops and enjoyed every moment of being in that place. I took in all the sights, sounds and smells. I drove through neighborhoods I used to live in and remembered the happy times, and I drove through neighborhoods I always wanted to live in and started dreaming of my fabulous future again. I stayed in the moment enjoying each second and went back to that state feeling happy.

“If you are happy, if you live each moment for everything it’s worth, then you are an intelligent person. Intelligent people do not have [nervous break downs] because they are in charge of themselves. They know how to choose happiness over depression because they know how to deal with the problems of their lives … Rather than measuring their intelligence on their ability to solve the problem, they measure it on their capacity for maintaining themselves as happy and worthy, whether the problem gets solved or not,” wrote Dr. Wayne Dyer in Your Erogenous Zones.

Change your thoughts

I know through observation and experience that changing your life starts with changing your perception by using gratitude. I wrote a whole book about because I know redirecting our thoughts onto positive things will change our feelings.

“A feeling is a physical reaction to a thought … You make yourself unhappy because of the thoughts that you have about the people or things you have in your life. Becoming a free and healthy person involves learning to think differently. Once you can change your thoughts, your new feelings will begin to emerge, and you will have taken the first step on the road to your personal freedom … Ask yourself if there is a sufficient payoff in being unhappy, down or hurt. Then, begin to examine, in depth, the kind of thoughts that are leading you to these debilitating feelings,” Dr. Dyer wrote.

I know from experience that it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but we really do have control over our thoughts and inner world — even when our outer world is falling apart around us. It doesn’t happen immediately, but we can practice changing our thoughts to happier ones.

“Each thought is precious. We can learn to think in positive affirmations. Yes, it takes a bit of doing to gain control over our thoughts; however, the rewards are tremendous,” Louise Hay wrote on social media in 2015.

“The past has no power over us,” she continued. “Even problems have no power over us. Our power lies in the thoughts that we choose to think today. Remember, there are endless opportunities for good before us.”

Like I said, happiness is something I’ve been thinking about and started writing a book about two years ago. However, the events of 2020 have made me realize not only how important it is to be happy, but also how we have the power to be happy or not — in spite of the circumstances surrounding us. Happiness really is a state of mind, and it isn’t something that just happens when outside forces align just right. It’s something we can choose in any given moment.

Can being happy make you healthy?

Every day, new research is proving that our inner world affects our outer world — specifically, how our thoughts affect our health. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of people who used laughter to raise their immune systems and reverse chronic illnesses. Since studying neuroscience while earning my Psychology degree, I’ve been increasingly interested in how our thoughts and the actual health of our brains influence not only our mental health, but also our physical health.

When I was working as a reporter for The Galveston County Daily News, I wrote a story about this. Let me share with you some of the things I wrote …

The prescription to lower your blood pressure may be as simple as this: Don’t worry. Be happy.

A study by University of Texas Medical Branch faculty members linked positive emotions to lower blood pressure. Dr. Glenn Ostir of UTMB said patients were asked questions about their happiness and optimism levels at the same time their blood pressure was taken. “Those who were happier seemed to have lower blood pressure. Positive emotions tend to be associated with a reduced risk of heart attack or stroke,” he told me.

While the study focused on 2,500 Mexican Americans 65 and older, Ostir told me he had no reason to believe this treatment wouldn’t work for other ethnic groups, as well. If you can control your emotional well-being and lower your blood pressure, the theory is you could prevent a heart attack or stroke. While Ostir stopped short of saying happy people don’t have heart attacks or strokes, he did tell me that positive emotions tend to be associated with a reduced risk of these diseases.  

The study also found that targeting the emotional health of older adults might be used as part of non-medication treatment. This could save people money on prescriptions.

How to become truly happy

I saw a meme on social media in 2015 which stated, “Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and say thanks to God for the troubles we don’t have.”

Is being happy really necessary? In a word, yes. Research shows that being happy has many positive health benefits, but I believe being happy not only brings peace to your inner world, but it also radiates to your outer world and expands to the people who are in that world.

Have you ever noticed yourself saying, “I’ll be happy when … happens?” We’ve all thought or said it, but delaying our happiness only creates more unhappiness. I thought I would be happy once I got married. What I found was that I had spent so many years practicing delaying my happiness that I didn’t know how to be happy once I got what I thought wanted.

T. Harv Eker has a sign on the wall of his office that states, “Practice Happiness Now!”

“Want happiness for others as much as you want it for yourself,” Dr. Dyer once wrote. He echoed Dr. David Hawkins’ idea that what you give away returns back to you. So, not only does the person you’re giving to benefit, but you also benefit.

So, how do you become truly happy? David Tuffley offered these suggestions in his eBook Being Happy: Part 1:

  • Experience things fully, vividly, selflessly. Self-Actualized people throw themselves wholeheartedly into the experiences that come their way — concentrating on it fully, allowing it to fully absorb them. [Just like I did on my happy trip down memory lane when I visited my hometown.]
  • Make the on-going choice between safety and risk. A Self-Actualizing person may still value comfort and security, but they know that personal growth is slow while they remain in their comfort-zone. They, therefore, take themselves out of their comfort zone as often as they can in order to create the right conditions for Self-Actualization.
  • Let your true self emerge. When in doubt, be honest. It may take some courage, but Self-Actualizing people look honestly at themselves and take responsibility for who they are and what happens to them. Self-delusion is the enemy of self-actualization.
  • Listen to your own tastes. The Self-Actualized person does not look for trouble, but when there is a conflict between what they inwardly know is right, and what everyone else is saying, a Self-Actualized person has the courage to disagree with the group and risk their disapproval or ostracism.
  • Use your intelligence. Self-Actualized people know that happiness comes from focusing fully on the task in front of them, and doing that task to the absolute best of their ability.
  • Make peak experiencing more likely. Self-Actualized people are honest — even brutally honest with themselves at every level of their lives. What they aim for is congruency between their inner and outer worlds.
  • Know thyself. Self-Actualized people ask themselves: “Who are you? What are you? What is good and what is bad for you? Where you are going? What is your mission?” Opening yourself up like this allows you to recognize your defenses. The challenge then is to find the courage to let them go.
Find your happy song

When I was working as a Behavioral Clinician, I had a 4-year-old client who went through a very traumatic event having witnessed the death of a younger sibling. She was also in the foster care system and was having frequent meltdowns and boughs of sadness.

During one of our sessions, I asked her if she had a “happy song” ― a song that made her feel happy when she heard it. She began singing this terribly sad song with a smile on her face. It was so sad I almost started crying. Then, I realized it was the theme song from the last Twilight movie. I quickly redirected her, grabbed my phone and turned on Pharrell’s song Happy.  She started singing and dancing all around the foster family’s living room. Her foster mother came in to see what was going on. When the song was over, I asked her if the next time she felt sad if she could start singing this song to help her feel happy again. She said yes, and her foster mother chimed in that she could play it for her on her phone.

This wasn’t a technique I learned. In fact, I was told her previous clinician was telling her to pretend she was squeezing an orange ―a stress-relieving technique that was endorsed by the literature we used at the agency I was working for ― which was not working, according to her foster mother. (That wouldn’t work on me either, especially if I were 4.)

It’s been my experience that when I’m stressed or feeling low, music always helps me. Sometimes, I just need a dance party break. The combination of upbeat music and moving my body seems to change my brain (and mood). In addition to dancing, I often have to sing myself happy.

A happy exercise

Joy/happiness is an emotion. Emotions are triggered in the brain “by images of objects or events that are actually happening at the moment or that, having happened in the past, are now being recalled,” explained Antonio Damasio in Self Comes to Mind, Connecting the Conscious Brain.

You can feel joy and deep happiness at any given moment by simply recalling happy moments in your life that triggered you to feel great joy.

So, let’s do an exercise. I want you to close your eyes, clear your mind of all thoughts and just focus on breathing. We’re going to take three deep breaths — breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for 6 seconds and out for 7 seconds.

Once you complete that, I want you to think back to a time in your life when you felt truly happy … A time when you smiled so big that your cheeks hurt and your heart was so full of joy that you thought it could burst into a Skittles rainbow. Do you have this memory? If not, daydream about a time like this that you want to have happen in the near future.

OK, now I want you to feel all the joy, happiness and love associated with this scene. Smile, laugh — whatever you’re feeling, let it show in your body. Feel these positive feelings all over your being. Hold this feeling for a few seconds.

Now, open your eyes. Are you feeling happy now? See, I’ve been telling you that you are so powerful that you can manifest anything you truly want. If you’re not feeling all the joy and happy feelings you would like to feel, keep practicing this exercise until you have mastered it.

Every time you are feeling hopeless, fearful, depressed — just completely out of sorts — I want you to do this exercise.

You are one of those shiny, happy people REM sang about, and you deserve to feel that joy at all times. Love yourself enough to practice giving yourself this gift of happiness on a regular basis.

Do you have a question about life that you want Senée to answer? Leave it in the comments or email it to PrincessGuide@BecomingPublishing.com.

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. Are you ready to start attracting positive things into your life through practicing daily affirmations? Get your free copy of The Princes Guide to Gratitude Affirmations. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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Seasons change: Don’t worry, be happy

Autumn has arrived on the calendar, but here in Texas, it’s still Summer … I saw pumpkins outside my grocery store today literally getting sunburned! I feel like Rapunzel needing to let down my long hair, but it’s just too hot to do that.  

The Princess Guide Senee Seale

This is my favorite time of year because now until the end of the year, it’s full of football, festivals (Oktoberfest, the State Fair of Texas, pumpkin patches, art festivals, etc.), celebrations (homecomings, my birthday, Halloween/Harvest, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s) and the temperature loses its oppressive heat and eventually, slowly becomes comfortable. Waiting for that to happen is the hard part. (I wrote on social media recently that I was having trouble waiting for things to happen.)

I love seasons because when one becomes too much to deal with or boring, you know a change will most definitely be coming (unless you live in a place like Southern California where it’s hot year-round, or at least it was the semester I was in graduate school there … I was rummaging through my closet on Thanksgiving Day to find a sleeveless shirt to wear in the 90-degree heat while eating my turkey dinner — not fun for me!)

My pastor outside Nashville once said, “Some people are seasonal people, and some people are meant to be in your life for the long-term.” At the time, that statement hurt me. I realize now, almost two decades later, that I wasn’t hurt. I was offended — that’s much worse in my book because being offended is a choice we each make. In the last almost 20 years, I’ve watched the revolving door of people walk in and out of my life. Some of them were supposed to be forever friends and family. I had to learn the hard lesson that even those you love the most and are closest to can choose to leave. When this happens, your season changes.

These changes can be difficult, but they don’t have to be. It’s all in our perception. We can choose how we view events in our lives. I believe three of the most important tools for dealing with change and new seasons are optimism, joy and gratitude.

The glass is half FULL

William James put it best, “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.”

You’ll get what you look for. If you’re looking for misery, you will find it. If you are looking for beauty, you will find that, too. The great thing about it is that YOU get to decide what you want to look for. Yes, change can be crappy. It can — and usually is — full of difficult moments, but it can also have beautiful moments, too. I think the reason we don’t see or focus on the beauty is because there are typically more negatives in a situation to take our attention away from the positives.

When I was studying Marriage & Family Therapy in graduate school, I came across a quote from Gary Zukav in our textbook Culturally Competent Counseling, “Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality.”

Think about the gold miners during the gold rush. Did they dip their pans in the water and pull them out full of gold? No! They were lucky to find a small nugget, but that small nugget was worth a ton of money and all the trouble it took to find it.

We create our reality, and reframing negative events to see the good in them is a great practice to put into action so that, over time, it becomes automatic. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, redirect them and encourage yourself. Look for the beauty in the change, even if it’s tiny.

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do. And so, he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, ‘You’re going to have a big family, Abraham!’” Romans 4:18 (MSG).

CHOOSING joy/happiness

This year, I’ve seen an explosion of online personalities talking about happiness. It became a buzzword a few months ago with CEO of VaynerMedia, Gary Vee (Vaynerchuk) talking about it on social media. Then all these other content creators followed suit bombarding my inbox and social media feeds with their pitches on why I needed to buy their online courses to learn to be happy.

While Gary Vee is usually the trendsetter, it was ME who began talking about joy and happiness with blog posts in 2014, and I wrote a newspaper article about it in 2006. There’s a lot of scientific research to show that being happy and having joy in your life will not only make you feel better, but it can enhance your health and longevity.

Here’s the thing: Happiness is an inside job. It isn’t something you find externally. It’s taken me more than four decades to realize this. (I’m working on a book about being happy in which I take you on my journey of regaining my joy/happiness … Stay tuned for information on that!)

This meme really sums it up, “I am in charge of how I feel, and today I am choosing happiness.” You have the power to be happy or miserable. The choice is up to you.

Being grateful for EVERYTHING

I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll continue to say it: I believe that one of the greatest traits of a princess (anyone resonating on a higher frequency) is gratitude. What is gratitude? Webster Illustrated Contemporary Dictionary defines gratitude and grateful as “A feeling of thankfulness; having or expressing gratitude, thankful; affording gratification (the act of gratitude or the state of being gratified).”

“Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will],” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (Amplified Bible).

The bad things will all work out for your good — maybe not immediately, but eventually you will see that what looked like a devastating storm actually gave you the chance to rebuild your life into the dream house you’ve always wanted.

I was watching one of my favorite movies The Lake House recently and was reminded of a song I loved as a little girl by Carole King called It’s too late. I really love the lines of the last verse:

There will be good times again for me and you, but we just can’t stay together. Can’t you feel it too? Still I’m glad for what we had and how I once loved you. But it’s too late baby. Now it’s too late. Though we really did try to make it. Something inside has died and I can’t hide and I just can’t fake it. No, no, no …

Even though she’s singing about the ending of a relationship, I love how she focuses on the gratitude she has for the experience. There is beauty in every experience — even the bad ones that devastate us and bring us to our knees. We have to look for it.

“When something ends it seems like the end of something. Consider that the ending of it was actually part of the process of something new beginning,” wrote Hemal Radi.

How can you put optimism, joy/happiness and gratitude into practice during the changing seasons in your own life?

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. For more information on how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, check out the bookstore today!

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Can being happy make you healthy?

We’re on the topic of being happy this week, and this Flashback Friday from 2015 fits the bill. It features an article I wrote while working as a reporter for a newspaper …

Every day new research is proving that our inner world affects our outer world — specifically, our thoughts affect our health. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of people who used laughter to raise their immune systems and reverse chronic illnesses.

Since studying neuroscience while earning my Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology, I’ve been increasingly interested in how our thoughts and the actual health of our brains influence not only our mental health, but also our physical health. It reminds me of Proverbs 17:22, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but depression drains one’s strength.” Anyone who has endured a hard period in life knows the last part of that verse is true.

When I was working as a reporter for The Galveston County Daily News, I wrote a story that seems appropriate to reprint now.

Happy thoughts can lower blood pressure
By Senée Seale
The Daily News
Published October 29, 2006
GALVESTON — The prescription to lower your blood pressure may be as simple as this: Don’t worry. Be happy.

A study by University of Texas Medical Branch faculty members links positive emotions to lower blood pressure.

Dr. Glenn Ostir of UTMB said patients were asked questions about their happiness and optimism levels at the same time their blood pressure was taken.
“Those who were happier seemed to have lower blood pressure,” he said. “Positive emotions tend to be associated with a reduced risk of heart attack or stroke.”

While the study focused on 2,500 Mexican Americans 65 and older, Ostir said he has no reason to believe this treatment wouldn’t work for other ethnic groups as well.

If you can control your emotional well-being and lower your blood pressure, the theory is you could prevent a heart attack or stroke.

While Ostir stops short of saying happy people don’t have heart attacks or strokes, he did say positive emotions tend to be associated with a reduced risk of these diseases.

The study also found that targeting the emotional health of older adults might be used as part of non-medication treatment, saving elderly patients money on prescriptions.

The Bright Side
Faith Casanova of Galveston is disabled and has other ailments to deal with, but she tries to look on the bright side of life.

The 72-year-old Jehovah’s Witness said she spends her time thinking about the good things and the positive teachings of her religion.

“I focus on the resurrection, hope, future and paradise here on earth,” she said. “I know it will be a new world with happiness and no sickness or death, so I don’t have to worry about things.”

Despite being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, Casanova said she’s a happy person and tries to be positive.

Betty Davis, 65, of Galveston, credits medication for keeping her blood pressure low, but she did say it is lower when she’s thinking happy thoughts.

“My blood pressure fluctuates,” she said “It depends on what I’m doing when it’s taken.”

Relaxing Tips
Ostir said you need to be aware that you have some control over your own well-being.

“You choose to be stressed out over an event,” he said. “I think the key is to be aware that you are stressed out. It’s your choice whether you remain that way or choose to change it.”

He said anything that reduces internal stress, such as practicing yoga, meditating, gardening or reading a book, will help to lower your blood pressure.

Susie Mantell, stress-relief expert and author of the relaxation CD “Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace,” said reducing internal stress can be as simple as getting enough sleep.

“A good night’s sleep makes a world of difference to bust stress and promote overall well-being,” she said.

“The advent of 24-hour and instant everything has created a society working harder, longer and faster. The resulting sleep deprivation creates tension, irritability and compromises immunity.”

Mantell agrees with Ostir that small steps can make a big difference in uplifting your mood. She suggests spending part of your lunch hour doing things that take your mind off work such as listening to soothing music or reading.

“Take two to three minute breaks in your workday,” she said. “Walk outdoors even for a few minutes. While downloading files, waiting at a red light, or in line at the bank, breathe slowly, mindfully and create soothing multi-sensory imagery.”

• • •

I know from experience that it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but we really DO have control over our thoughts and inner world — even when our outer world is falling apart around us. It doesn’t happen immediately, but we can practice changing our thoughts to happier ones.

“Each thought is precious. We can learn to think in positive affirmations. Yes, it takes a bit of doing to gain control over our thoughts; however, the rewards are tremendous,” Louise Hay recently wrote on social media.

“The past has no power over us,” she continued. “Even problems have no power over us. Our power lies in the thoughts that we choose to think today. Remember, there are endless opportunities for good before us.”

I’d love to hear how focusing on being happy helped your mental or physical health … Leave a comment below.

You can find these Flashback Friday blogs posted every Friday. If you want to know more how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.

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What’s your “happy” song?

When I was working as a Behavioral Clinician, I had a 4-year-old client who went through a very traumatic event having witnessed the death of a younger sibling. She was also in the foster care system and was having frequent meltdowns and boughs of sadness.

During one of our sessions, I asked her if she had a “happy song” ― a song that made her feel happy when she heard it. She began singing this terribly sad song with a smile on her face. It was so sad I almost started crying, then I realized it was the theme song from the last Twilight movie. I quickly redirected her, grabbed my phone and turned on Pharrell’s song Happy. She started singing and dancing all around the foster family’s living room. Her foster mother came in to see what was going on. When the song was over, I asked her if the next time she felt sad if she could start singing this song to help her feel happy again. She said yes, and her foster mother chimed in that she could play it for her on her phone.

This wasn’t a technique I learned. In fact, I was told her previous clinician was telling her to pretend she was squeezing an orange ―a stress-relieving technique that was endorsed by the literature we used at the agency I was working for ― which was not working, according to her foster mother. (That wouldn’t work on me either, especially if I were 4!)

Do you have a happy song?

It’s been my experience that when I’m stressed or feeling low, music always helps me. Sometimes, I just need a dance party break! The combination of upbeat music and moving my body seems to change my brain (and mood). In addition to dancing, I often have to sing myself happy.

I remember an episode of Ally McBeal where her therapist told her she needed to come up with a theme song that she could hear in her head to make her feel more confident. Ally struggled the entire episode to find one, but she did in the end. Being a singer since I was 2 (I started singing in public when I was 2, but I was told by family members that I was trying to sing before I could talk), I know that music has a way of not only changing the atmosphere, but changing our moods and minds. I was once told by someone not to gripe at him but to sing to him instead. I didn’t grasp the importance of that statement until much later, but I see the validity in that approach now.

I’ve been working on a new book about controlling your own mind, and I have been wondering if there is any scientific evidence to prove out this theory of mine.

As I wrote about in The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart, intention is key when making any change or predicting future behavior. Two studies published in 2012 in The Journal of Positive Psychology support my findings. “These studies demonstrate that listening to positive music may be an effective way to improve happiness, particularly when it is combined with an intention to become happier,” the researcher concluded.

Barry Goldstein echoes my theory in his column published in Conscious Lifestyles, “Listen to a piece of music that brings you to a highly elevated and inspired emotional state … Moving to this music can have a profound effect on your mood as it creates the potential for the production of beneficial hormones, neurotransmitters, and other molecules in your body.”

Sad songs say so much

The opposite can also take place. Have you ever felt so low and just wanted to have a big huge pity party in your depression by listening to music that made you sad? Listening to sad music can be dangerous to your mental health, but research shows that it could also help you get over a broken heart.

Interestingly, Healthline.com reported that listening to sad music can actually help in getting over heartbreak from an ended relationship. “An earlier study, published in the Journal of Consumer Research, found that people tend to prefer sad music when they are experiencing a deep interpersonal loss, like the end of a relationship. The authors of that study suggested that sad music provides a substitute for the lost relationship. They compared it to the preference most people have for an empathetic friend — someone who truly understands what you’re going through.”

I guess Elton John was right when he sang, “Sad songs say so much.” When I recorded the album for my book, I chose songs that went along with what I wrote about, but honestly, a couple of them made me cry even in the recording studio as I was singing them. The lyrics hit close to home, and I obviously wasn’t over it at the time. That just told me I had more work to do, which I did.

Take action

So, what can you do to allow music to change your mood? In 2013, USA Today published a list of 20 scientifically-proven benefits of music. Some of those included the following cation steps:

  • Ease pain. (Listening to) “music can meaningfully reduce the perceived intensity of pain …”
  • Increase workout endurance. “When we’re focusing on a favorite album, we may not notice that we just ran an extra mile.”
  • Reduce stress. “Research has found that listening to music can relieve stress by triggering biochemical stress reducers.”
  • Relieve symptoms of depression. “Research suggests the kind of music matters: Classical and meditative sounds seem to be particularly uplifting, whereas heavy metal and techno can actually make depressive symptoms worse.”
  • Elevate mood. “A 2013 study found that music helped put people in a better mood and get in touch with their feelings.”
  • Help people perform better in high-pressure situations. “One study found that basketball players prone to performing poorly under pressure during games were significantly better during high-pressure free-throw shooting if they first listened to catchy, upbeat music and lyrics.”
  • Elevate mood while driving. The reporter suggests listening to your favorite songs the next time you find yourself in a traffic jam to help keep your mood in check. I also have a dance party in the car when I’m really in need of an attitude change and safely stopped at a red light.

Catch these first-run Write About It Wednesday blogs every Wednesday. If you want to know how to have successful relationships and peace of mind, you can get a free PDF sample chapter of “The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart” by filling out the form in the sidebar on this page.